Happy 2-Year-A-Versary

Two whole years and I finally stuck to something!
It’s that time of year where I become all sentimental about putting my whole life online.
From the very start, to one year, to now. . . it all seems so surreal.

I’ve always tried to keep a journal, but then I start a new one, or forget about it etc etc *insert excuse here*. But it’s amazing to type in a simple URL and BOOM. . . there’s my past two years. Two years complete with drama, stress, videos, leaving cert, friends, and poetry (surprisingly).

I’ve talked to some amazing people here, and got to connect with so many individuals that are all so talented. With a few blog awards up my sleeve also!

It seems like my little haven of procrastination has grown into something that I’ve developed into my little comfort space on the internet. Despite the fact it’s open to the public eye.

My blog has developed me, as a person. It helped me to realise how much I actually enjoy writing, and how I can pursue it without having to do a degree in it.

So maybe I’ll keep this as a hobby, or maybe I’ll take it a bit further. But all I know if the next two years are as successful as my last two, then I don’t think I could be happier!

Beauty -Lauren Moriarty

As a child I would sit cross legged
On my parents bed.
I would watch, fascinated,
As mum got ready for a night out
With dad.
She hummed softly to herself
As he showered.
I listened to the soundtrack
Of comfort and familiarity.
Mums make-up bag lay strewn
Across rumpled covers,
I would take out each product
And hold it in my small hand
Rub the soft brushes against my skin,
Trace the lipstick around my mouth,
Thinking to myself
This is what makes beauty

I placed make-up on
A pedestal.
In my opinion,
It was the only thing that could
Create beauty.
Growing older,
This belief only intensified.

As a teenager I would sit cross legged
In front of the mirror
Practicing the skill of creating
Beauty.
The music this time
Was composed of insecurities,
Another soundtrack that had become
Familiar.
I learned how to contour,
How to make my lips fuller,
My eyes pop.
But Yes, I liked wearing it,
It gave me more confidence
Turned down the music,
But I wasn’t beautiful.
something was wrong
I didn’t look, I didn’t feel
Beautiful.

Over time,
I learned that beauty
Doesn’t come wrapped in
Mac or L’Oreal.
It is an ideal
Of an individual mind.
It is an aspiration not
An achievement.

As an adult I sit cross legged
As I read and write poetry
I have learned that there is
Many types of beauty.
It can be found in words,
Rhythms and patterns.
Beauty is an art not a person,
Beauty is this poem,
Not me.

***
Hi Friends! So this was written by the lovely Lauren Moriarty and I begged her to let me post it here! Sadly, she has no blog of her own. . . yet. . .I’m still working on it 😉 
So I hope you all enjoy her art as much as I do!

Red Buttons

I fell in love with a self destruct button
Who was anything but a sheep
Rather unusual to find
And impossible to keep

A wanderer and a wonderer
Was all I ever could be
I didn’t think much of it
Until your words said it to me

We were content in silence
With cheesy grins and messy hair
No one ever saw that side of you
Not that they’d even care

It’s weird to be in love
Whether with a button or a boy
Yet this button of mine
You played with like a toy

Engrossed by your thoughts
Or preoccupied with your head
Thinking back on it all
Did you mean anything you said

It’s hard to see your suffer
And pushing people away
To feel overwhelmed
For you is just an ordinary day

Maybe you’ll hit the red button
Or maybe you’ll pick up a pen
This pain is only temporary
Until we’re together again

Seasons Readings!

photo

I’ve always loved reading.
Whether that involved sneaking into my parents room to get a more challenging book, or loosing myself in a library. . . I’ve always loved reading.
This Christmas, I only received two books. Trust me, I’m not ungreatful, I was just a bit confused. On average for birthdays and holidays, I get minimum 5 books each time. I got 8 books for my last birthday.

But, I only ever asked for one book this year.

Cecelia Ahern is an Irish author. She is a daughter of a politician who married a member of a boyband. I had one summer almost 8 years back where I obsessed over her. I read every book possible, and I adored them.
As I got older, her books got more predictable. The guy gets with the girl, everything happens for a reason and everyone lives happily ever after. The last book I read of hers, “How to fall in love” was sickening predictable. I knew she sold it based off her name rather than her writing. Which makes me so sad, because I know there is better books out there, but on her name alone she could make a profit off a low budget book. Far deuce to her, obviously she has a family to feed and a home to take care of. But I just wish that I felt the same excitement as I did the first time I read her books. She was my biggest inspiration to actually start “professionally” writing. And were anyone to ask me for my favourite author today, I would still say her. Out of habit, out of less hassle, and out of hope.
My Dad knows how fond I am of her. He knows I’ve grown tired of her. But he still knows that when there’s a new book out, he has to get it for me, no questions asked. It only took a quick “I think Cecelia Ahern has a new book out” for one to appear under my tree a few weeks later. It is called, “The Year I Met You”. Which, according to The Irish Times is “Insightful and true”. Review wise, there wasn’t much else on the cover. It seems to have a main guy, a main girl, a main goal and a “destiny made this happen” meeting. It’s a light read, but I’m still looking forward to it. Because whatever I say about her as a writer . . . I still bought the book.

* * *

The second book bought for me was “Girl Online” by Zoe Sugg, AKA Zoella. I’ve been a subscriber to Zoella for almost 6 years now. I love her personality online and her positive outlook on life and the awareness she brings to her relatively young fan base. I do believe she is a good role model, and I will forever support her as she is a YouTuber. But, at the end of the day, this book is completely ghost written. I was very skepital when she announced she was soon releasing a book. That young woman has so much happening in her schedule that she simply doesn’t have time to set aside six or so hours per day to be constantly writing. And that’s perfectly fine, as she is a good public figure, and is attractive to a broad, young audience. At first, I just thought I had outgrown her. I didn’t think of her as creative for writing a book about a girl with a blog which features anxiety. Those are three words which sum up Zoe Sugg in a sentence. Writing is a way of living your dream life, and she’s already living hers. I hear her ghost writer is very good. I’m just sad that a publishing team had to use the brand name Zoella to get the book out, rather than using Zoe. The writer who stumbled onto YouTube at the correct time with the correct hairstyle. Obviously she has developed a lot since she started, which can be said of any creator. I’ve watched her grow into the person she is. But to the media, she is not the young twenty something year old who is having fun. No. She is Zoella. A brand, a name, and a quick way to pry on young girls to get sales. Good marketing, I have to admit. But a YouTuber is different from a “normal” writer. All we get from the writer is his or her thoughts on a sheet of paper. By typing in “Z” into the YouTube search bar, you can track Zoes whole life online. People get to know her personality, her friends, her family, her likes, her hobbies and her passions. Because of this, viewers strive for her to do well. She’s not just another name on another book. This time, it was her name on someone elses writing. Sure, it was her main idea and her characters. But I lost a lot of faith in Zoe Sugg when she took credit for a ghost written book for money. Obviously I’ll never know the full story. But I don’t think anyone ever will.

* * *
I’m looking forward to reading both these books. I’ll probably start with the Cecelia Ahern one, as it’s set around New Years Eve. If you have read either book, please let me know what you have thought of them! And as always, book suggestions are ALWAYS welcome!

Creative Slurs

Gadh.
I seriously need to start seriously studying.
But you know what I did instead this weekend? Went to visit my sick friend on a surprise trip with my two other friends.
Obviously I don’t regret it, but it could have had better timing.
The fact that we stayed up til 7am and woke up at 10am didn’t help my study schedule either.
You may be thinking, what about my friends?
I skipped 4th year, so practically all my friends are a year behind me. I’m still debating whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing. I only have four months of school left…. they have a year. But I still have no idea what I want to do after school (university course-wise), but I can’t even imagine another year of getting up at 7am. *shudders*.
So yes. They’re all having a free time doing nothing, while I’m having a mental collapse.
You’d think people would notice that partaking in the education system makes young people physically ill even thinking about it.
To be honest, it’s not like I’ve ever had a major problem in school. Naturally, it wasn’t perfect either. However, I’m just so over it.
Is that phrase still used here? Should I put a hashtag around it? I feel old.
But I’m not.
I’m seriously not.
I’m finishing secondary school, and I’m sixteen.
By now, age sixteen, I thought my life would be so much cooler. Because…. you know…
IM SIXTEEN
*Spoiler* it didn’t happen.
What did happen was my creativity slowly…slowing easing out and dying.
Which is why I’m keeping up the ‘video a month’ resolution.
Yes, you CAN still decide on a resolution at the end of January. It’s usually the time where everyone has given up. 
People should stop giving up.
By people I mean me.
I should still be studying.

I get tired and upset

I’m tired. I’m upset. I’m confused. I’m sad.

About…. everything? …nothing?

I’m tired that I’m upset, and I’m confused why I’m said.

And none of my thoughts can be processed properly into words.
I cannot fantom what on earth is going on in my mind because I simply don’t understand it.

I don’t cry a lot. Usually.
I’ve nothing to cry about, or for.
Yet every time I think, it’s followed by tears.

I’m plunging into a dark abyss.
Of nothing.

But I’ve nothing to be tired about.
I’ve nothing to be upset about.
I’ve nothing to be confused about.
And I’ve nothing to be sad about.

Except the future, of course.
But I “shouldn’t worry about that. It’ll work out.”

I keep asking my self when.
When will it work out?
When will my life begin to make sense?

Because currently, it doesn’t.
Nothing does.
Not even this post.

Recommendation of the week #3

I may as well just change this to YouTuber of the week because that’s all what I’ve recommended so far 😀

Anywhoo, my recommendation this week is the (very nice looking) Janick Thibault.
Ever since he replied to me in the comments I’ve truely become a huge fan of him!

So with his amazing guitar skills, voice, and well everything, you should defiantly check him out 😀

Til next week!

Have you ever been so angry?

I was in the mood to write something inspirational today, but that all changed when a certain person accused my friends and I of bullying her on ask.fm about something that she did to us last march (and just progressively before that). She’s spreading rumours about us and falsely accusing us of wrong things. And mainly she’s blaming me. Probably because I was the nicest to her and she thinks she can take advantage of that. My friends and I have spent all night ranting to each other over different social medias and we’ve come to the conclusion that we just need to get rid of her out of our lives. She’s a negative person who isn’t good for us and isn’t a nice person. But I’ve to try and convince them to do it in a calm way.
And before you try defending her, she threw a fork at my friend, poured juice over another one, said horrible things about mostly everyone, and she only ever used us as her plan B.

So to everyone reading this, always try to be positive and happy and calm. It’s what I’m trying to convince myself to do!

A bloggers view on life.

I know I’m relatively new at blogging, but have you ever just been in a situation where you thought would make a good post? If you’re like me, you may zone out for a bit just to pre think your phraseology in your mind. You just look around and think ‘I want to remember this’. So you take a deeper look and find details you would have never took any notice of before. For example: what does it smell like, what colour is the ground, what is the atmosphere of the room and things like that. It could have been a perfectly fun moment but all you can think about it “How can I phrase this?” Or “What kind of layout will I use?”.
And then you stop. And re join whatever you just took your attention off while absorbing the place around you.

I know I do.

Crow Drama!

On upon reading “The faults in our stars” by the amazing John Green while basking in the new Irish sun, I looked up to see three crows casually sitting on top of my basket ball net. None of them facing me. As the one to the very right took a step right, he/she began to slide down it and eventually resulting in it falling off, nevertheless birds can fly and he flew away.
The middle one then attempted to move towards the one on his/her (but assumably his) left side. The left crow gave off a loud squak to tell the middle crow he was not wanted, and tje crow backed off. Backed off so much that he too started to slide down the basketball hoop.

Not ashamed to say I fully laughed out loud at what was going on, but by the time I had my camera out, they all had flew away.