What I’ll miss

Late caffeinated induced nights
With a gloomy morning to follow
Reminding me that with every deadline met
Two more follow

Loud crowds of people who don’t care
The people who waste time
Who try to waste my time
Intimidating and infuriating

Long bus journeys
That are too high for my budget
But three nights on my own
Would never be worth it

Are all things I will never miss
But that I needed to experience
Coming hand in hand
With all things good

Like early morning walks to the beach
With short classes that encourage group work
Lab filled days with lunch orders
And rotated coffee loyalty cards passed around

Being able to walk everywhere
But also being able to walk home
And close off the world
Without having to report to anyone

Independence
Optimistic people
Safety
Encouragement from everyone

It’s what I’ll miss when I leave
For my last time

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Immortalised Memories

One of my favourite stories growing up was one that my aunt told me.
I come from a big family of twelve(ish) aunts and uncles and uncountable extended family members. My mum is ranked as the youngest girl, and I’m her youngest.
My aunt Mary is the oldest girl in the family, with two of my uncles before her. Despite the age gap my mum would consider her one of her siblings she’s most close to.
I never got to meet my grandparents, but my favourite story of Mary’s is one she told of them when she was born.
My granddad had just had his first pint after the birth of his first daughter. Chuffed at himself, he sipped away happily and content on his own.

One of the locals came in and said to my granddad:
“Ah Brendan, I just saw your two sons on the way here”
Without batting an eye, my granddad replied:
“Yes. But have you seen my daughter?”

The way my aunt tells it just almost transports me back in time. It’s a story that I genuinely would never get tired of hearing as it brings me a feeling of closeness to the grandparents I never had the privilege of meeting.

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Wish for you

It’s funny how
I have no expectations
But my heart still stops
Only to speed up again
When I get a glimpse of you
Sparking a moment of hope
That I know will never last
No matter how long
I really want to believe it
This control over me
Is painful
So I spend my life
Wishing it away
When I really want to wish for you

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The year we found ourselves

The year we found ourselves
My eyes were open
My heart was strong
And I was happy

The summer air
Made it easy to breathe
Filling each moment
With sunshine and happiness

The darkest cloud
Could not prevent
The radiating happiness
In everyone around us

I never knew I was so young in the world
And my eyes were opened again
The year we found ourselves
Was really the year we found each other

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Falling

Falling in love has been as easy as falling to me
It’s not

I’m tall so I don’t have to wear heels
My confidence doesn’t come from having someone else to support me

I hate the idea of everyone looking at you being vulnerable
Exposing so much of myself to one person is unthinkable to me

The thought of not being able to control my own body is terrifying
Or having someone else want to be near it is just as bad

To fail at something so simple as walking is demoralising
So my brain tells me that it’s not worth it

I’m concentrating so much on my feet that I have forgotten to look up
I forget that I should just be naturally able to do it

I’ve never been a clumsy person
But sometimes I wish I was

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Big Families are a Blessing

Big families are a blessing
Uncountable cousins
Relatives that are hardly related
All coming together with a shared bond

When you lose a tribe member
Unthinkable people are brought together
To look at the gap in the line where number Four should be
Three and Five never imagined they would be together in the line
Accidentally still leaving a gap
Unintentionally reminding themselves
That Four is not coming to fill the gap

Big families are still a blessing
It’s like we all feel as one
But when so many people are feeling at once
It feels heavy
Twelve times the love
Eleven times the sadness

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2017 -Rolling it

2017 marks my fourth year of blogging. When I was fourteen, I never really knew what I wanted to write, or how exactly I wanted to write. I just let my blog flow. I have “rolled with it” since 2013, and that has exposed me to many awards, nominations, blog squad friends, being able to do giveaways, and opportunities such as attending film premieres and being invited to openings in my capital city. None of this happened overnight, nor did it happen close together. But it happened. And it was fun.
I’ve been debating for a while what to do with my little space of the internet, but I am at a loss.

My first thought is that my actual blog is a mess. I don’t have a niche, which means it consists of different categories ranging from absolutely anything. Because of this, I maybe wanted to start a separate blog to keep my writing separate from my personal. However, it is the personal element of having my blog that has got me countless opportunities.

My second thought is to have another blog and use eimzpink as my brain vomit page. But everything I have ever done on the internet links me to “eimzpink” and it has become such a large part of me and to think about casting that to the side creates a huge online identity crisis for me that I really couldn’t handle.

I have  definitely thought about stopping completely. I don’t think I could ever delete my page, because it has documented my writing since 2013 and I love to see my progression. But ,I have thought about deleting it. Although I’m not embarrassed of my thoughts and less developed writing, I’m not proud for it to be presented as my writing in comparison to what I could write today.

For a year I kept a schedule, which I thought weighed me down with unnecessary stress. But when I stopped, I missed the routine of writing in my life. I knew I had to write or edit something but now I know it doesn’t have to be online on time, so I have more time to work on it. But I usually don’t want to, because it will never be “good enough”. I didn’t mind posting when I knew I had to produce something. Now, I’m constantly second guessing myself.

Although I wanted this years mantra to be “rolling it” rather than “roll with it”, I don’t think I can commit to taking charge of  what will determine my life events this year.

All that aside, I wanted to recap on the past year like I usually do in one post. However, my 16 goals of last year don’t have simple “achieved” or “failed” answers. I feel like each one has a unique story and story of acknowledgement in my life this year. So, I’m going to make a separate post about that list when I can. Maybe.

However, here are my 17 things for 2017.

  1. Finish University and Graduate
  2. Travel Europe
  3. Go on holidays with my cousins
  4. Be healthier and get fitter
  5. Go back to France
  6. Visit an Irish landmark
  7. Physically write more in journals
  8. Pick up my camera a little bit more
  9. Be more trusting
  10. Say yes to something that I would be too scared to
  11. Read, watch, and listen more
  12. Get a job
  13. Begin the process of getting my driving licence
  14. Treat my parents in some way
  15. Visit friends and family more often
  16. Stop trying to portray and maintain myself in a certain way
  17. Do more of what makes me happy

2017. Please be nice.

2017

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