Good Morning

I always thought I was a night person
But as the cold afternoons come to a close I find myself looking more and more forward to sleep
When I once looked forward to the night
The moon would shine and the stars would twinkle and I’d stare up in awe

But lately I’ve anticipated just shutting off
Immerse myself in a fort of sheets and close out everything and everyone
Because I’d look forward to waking up
The foggy mornings I once dreaded now fill me with fresh joy
I used to keep myself up to at least 4am but now I set my alarm for as early as possible because I feel like I have a head start on the world
No one is aware
The love I felt for being on my own in the darkest of nights is replaced for the love I feel being the first to take on a new day
Instead of dreading a new day

Night comes and I’m tired
I’ve thought of the tasks not carried out
I’ve thought of how bad the day was
But at 7am no one has corrupted or ruined my day yet
I still feel fresh
I still feel invincible
For the first time in my life
I finally understood the meaning of

Good Morning


Why do I see you in everything?

Why do I see you in everything? Why am I comparing the people I surround myself with to you? Why do I still get butterflies of excitement whenever I see a memory we made together? Why does so much remind me of you? Why are you still on my mind? Why are you still on my wall? Why do I hope you actually didn’t change? Why am I still hurting? Why did you ever want me to hurt? Why do you still want that? Why did you blame me? Why did you avoid me? Why am I still hoping for that day I’ll see your name pop up? Why won’t I hesitate to answer? Why do I think you still deserve me? Why am I still thinking about it? Why am I still checking your social medias? Why am I disappointed that you haven’t updated? Why does my heart skip a beat when I hear our song? Why does my heart still ache? Why doesn’t my brain shut off? Why can’t I shut you out? Why haven’t I still gotten over you? Why did you never give me closure? Why do I miss you?

and I do miss you

but fuck you



Grim Reaping

Not many people can say they played in coffin sheds
Neighbours and cousins all brought around to the house
Usually ending up with a game of hide or seek with seeing who played chicken when locked in
Later turned into a party venue by the ones old enough to sneak up there
It was a family joke to party at the coffin shed
A secret saying in the family home

Death was always normalised
Someone was always around the home wearing black
Sadness was never shied away from
People were always welcome as long as the kettle was brewing
We had to learn to believe in something after
Otherwise it was a cold household

The routine was known too well
We just never had to do it together
Death never happened to the home which saw it the most
Until it did
And suddenly everything is real

Denial and bliss were what we lived in
Forgetting the reason why the company was started in the first place

There was never a doubt of why we never liked the colour white

It was one of the few times our home was avoided

Almost seventy years ago
Our granddad wanted to make a change for the good in the world
Because he got treated badly when his wife was grieving the most

Two twin boys
The first out of 14
But times were different
Technology wasn’t best
My grandmothers heart was broken

Not treated as “real people”
No one had ever witnessed my granddad mad
He never wanted anyone to feel like he had felt
His change was spurred from courage

It’s in their honour that the company is still going today
Some people have firms and practices named after their family
We have our own wooden casket
Oddly, I would never change that


For a moment

When I was seven I decided I wanted to get rid of my pony pink walls in exchange for the soothing sea blue
I compensated for sand with cream carpets
Decorated with sea shell wind chimes and sea horse mobiles
I slept with a blue rotating aquarium, which lit up my room along with the help of glow in the dark dolphins

I knew how horrible being landlocked was
Even back then
I never minded that blue was a boys colour
Or so my classmates told me

The Little Mermaid was always my film of choice
The second one was much more relatable
Wanting to be a part of the sea with no love interest involved
My family got bored of it pretty fast

I watched TV shows about mermaids and sea creatures
And lost myself in my imagination that one day I’ll grow a tail
I even had my excuses and undercover story all worked out
You know, just in case
My sister had a habit of crushing my dreams

I refused to step foot in an artificial pool even if it was compulsory for us to partake in a six week course at the age of twelve
I was called scared
Because they didn’t think I knew
But I knew how to swim against the current and had record time for holding my breath
Little did they know I didn’t feel free
So I faked an illness to chlorine

I bought my very own wetsuit, which wasn’t just handed down
And begged my father to bring me to the beach whenever he was going
Even if it was in the middle of November
In the pouring rain
There was never a question of whom I got my love of the sea off

I could swim and kayak for endless hours and never feel the cold
The indescribable feeling of being thrown around and upside down
Taught me a lesson that had a double meaning

Always search for the light
Where there is light there is sun
And where there is sun there is air

There was only one time when I forgot that rule
Which was the only one time I remember feeling scared

But envy is all I feel now when I look out at the people in the river on their familiar colourful boats
I miss it
But I’ll never do it again
Part of me can’t help but hesitate when I walk by the advertising club poster
Then logic steps in
And my mind steps back
To the times where I tried to find the light
Instead of pointlessly inhaling

Eleven years later and I still can’t fall asleep in silence
The blue light comes out to console me sometimes when I need it most
And my heart bleeds for the place where I feel inspired

Eleven years later and my house is called after my home
Which has such a greater meaning than anyone could ever understand

My walls won’t have to imitate the sea because I’ll never be too far
Movies won’t be my only reminder of the haven I miss
Chlorine will never have to be inhaled instead of salt
A four hour car journey won’t have to be taken to feel the sand between my toes
Ocean sounds won’t have to be played from my laptop speakers
One day when I look out, there will be an infinite horizon instead of one lit by artificial lights

#18670 neg 40

Halloween in The High Seas


Happy Halloween Everyone!
This year, I’m living in a house with three of my most favourite people ever. Our house is up stairs and along with a private joke, we called it The High Seas. Although we are a student house, there’s no reason why we can’t decorate the house… right?
Last week, two of my housemates were gone out. So being the cool college kids, us two left behind had the brilliant idea to go buy pumpkins!

Well, we’re not too sure why.
But we did it anyway!

Throwing all responsibilities and duties aside, we set out pumpkin hunting.

The first shop we went to had some very sad looking pumpkins, so we decided against them. (Even though I did feel bad for leaving them behind). Instead, we bought some window decorations and were SO excited to get them that everyone else in the purchase queue let us pass them by as they saw how excited we were.

I’m really not kidding.

The second shop we went to had a lot more variety in pumpkins, so naturally we were even more excited, and received many judge-y looks when we squealed. I fell in love with a perfectly orange but weirdly shaped small pumpkin. We also opted for a medium sized one too. After paying for our pumpkins in copper coins, we headed home.

We decided to not tell our other housemates, so here is a picture of us being mysterious outside the shop.


We got down to carving straight away. Using all the blunt student knifes and weird spoons we could find whilst wearing disney ears and listening to the halloween playlist on spotify, we spent almost two hours drawing, carving, removing pumpkin gunk and styling our masterpieces. 
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Although my original plan of a cat design failed, I opted for a bat and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world! My roomie went for a pretty terrifying face and they both actually turned out quite well!

We played the Jaws theme song with the lights off when the other half of our housemates arrived home and we’re still not too sure if they were impressed or not!

However, after this experience, we learned quite a few things;

1. The two of us shouldn’t be left without supervision.

2. Candle flames burn the top of the pumpkin when the top is left on.

3. In ancient Ireland, pumpkins didn’t exist and they carved turnips, according to my mother. So we bought a turnip for 85 cent and carved him too. He fits in quite well and we named it Grainne.

IMG_4197   IMG_4223

4. Our other two housemates still haven’t realised we left the pumpkin guts in a bucket outside.

5. People in shops are really nice and supportive to two teenagers buying halloween decorations at ten o clock at night.

I hope everyone has had as much fun decorating as we did!

Monday Morning

Monday Morning
Fresh and Bright
My only early start to the week
On Monday, mornings at nine o clock
School begins
Children are sleepy and parents are tired
But you can always catch moments
Tiny glimpses in other people’s lives
Who don’t even realise you’re there

Monday Morning
At eight fifty two
An elderly man strolls hand in hand
With a boy and a dog, who are probably the same age
On time and efficient
With smiling faces all around
You wonder if the parent is too busy
Or if there’s any parent at all
But happiness is in the home
By the toothy grin and the panting pup
And the man who has probably seen it all

Monday Morning
At eight fifty seven
A boy stands at the gates
Not even the height of it
His mother, presumably, bent down
A different language comes from him
Followed by tears from a cracked voice
She tries to reassure him
But it’s not a tantrum
With stamping and frustration
It’s just sad
With a bow of her head she announces to him
He nods and she wipes a tear before encouraging him to pass through the scary gates

Monday Morning
At nine o two
Runs a bouncing curls little girl
Freckles and a pink bag pack
Dragging her dad, presumably, by the hand
Practically miles ahead of him
His gaze doesn’t seem focused
But she’s so eager
And he’s as tired as my parents looked

Monday Morning
Fresh and Bright
But some don’t see it that way

The Women who Empower me

I love women. Not sexually, this isn’t a coming out story. But growing up around such a mixture of different women in my life has molded and shaped me into the person I am.

The well-known African proverb, which stated, “It takes a village to raise a child”. And my village is right in the middle of Ireland. My family. But a family is not necessarily blood, but rather love. And I was one of the luckiest girls to grow up around so many inspiring women who probably don’t even know how much effect they ever had on me.

My child-minder. A woman who I have so much respect and love for that it overwhelms me. You know in movies when the loved one of the main protagonist gets captured and threatened and it is the weak point of the main character that cannot get them to think straight out of worry for the person taken? She would be my person. She (helped) raise me and with her kindness, softness, value for people around her and her ability to love herself, I have become a better person.

My hairdresser. From 6 years of age the same woman, who is still in denial that it’s been that long, has cut my hair. Through the years I was probably just another kid customer who nervously came in with her mother but I remember watching her and was in complete awe of everything she did. As I got older, conversation strayed away from “How’s school?” to something actually meaningful. With birthdays, weddings, and recent parties, I have visited the hairdressers at least 5 times since summer started. Which means we’ve gotten to the stage where she can say she’s sick of me, while telling me we need to go out together soon. Even though she’s been in my life so long, she probably looks younger than I do!

My cousins. Anyone who knows me knows how fondly I speak of my cousins. The lads are great and I love them to pieces but I’d talk to them to rant, rather than to seek advice. I’ve done everything from getting make up tips, to crying on the phone to them, to getting drunk with them, to having renting hotel rooms together, to asking the questions you don’t want to ask your parents, to having shouting fights, to having snuggle movie nights, to going camping with, to avoid going camping with to having moments which I would never trade for the world. These were the two ladies who always saw through me, because they were the only two who I let in. And I have absolutely no regrets.

My aunts. Five women who I’ve pulled positive traits from. These were the women who encouraged my feminine side. Who bought me handbags and shoes, and brought me shopping for fun. I’ve grown up watching them bake, and knit, and sew, and cook, and create magnificent paradises in their gardens and helped me realise that the world is so much bigger than I imagined, and that it’s okay to throw a tantrum when you’ve dealt with so much (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process), and that it’s okay I’m not a master chef and that I can be an independent person and that any career is possible and that …well… anything is possible because I’ve seen them do the impossible. They were always the invincible women in my life.

My mother. One of the strongest women in my life, and definitely the one who everyone takes for granted. Although I have very little in common with her interest wise, she always tried her hardest with me. And I will forever be grateful that she never forced me to be someone who I wasn’t. But there are so many traits in her, which I admire that I could go on for days for. However, the one that I cherish most is her honesty. My mother is a lot of things, but she is not a liar. She is very good at avoiding conversation topics and dodging subjects if she needs to, but she is no liar.

My friends. Growing up in an all girls’ school creates a bond that I hope never ends. Four of my best friends entered the daunting grey gates with me in 2009. Although we are all in University now, I could never imagine my life without them. They are the sweet souls who taught me that it’s perfectly okay to be lame- as long as that is who you are. We’ve conquered puberty together with late night DMC’s, baking sessions, cheesy movie nights, wildlife adventures, cosy days in, alcoholic nights out and six years of never being let down by any of them. I feel privileged to be around these four strong women who I watched grow with my very own eyes. It’s impossible to be sad around them. They are my world.

My Lecturers. Recently this has become more meaningful to me. I never had male teachers in primary or secondary school, so the biggest change for me in University was adapting to male teachers. It surprised me how different I found it. I felt more intimidated in the class room to ask a question and felt even more awkward in person if I ever had to go meet them. However, for almost two years I have had a few female lecturers who probably don’t even remember me. But I remember them. I remember emailing them and not feeling scared of their reply. I remember chatting to them informally about what they love, instead of nervous stutters. There were always few girls in my classes, so speaking to a female in charge was always reassuring and empowering. My educators helped me more than their job entailed.

The Ring Leader

I was always the bad influence
The sneaky friend
Leading them astray
With no motivation
And less study done
The parents wanted me away

I dared and I dreamed
And I brought them along
Encouraging thinking on their own
ID’s were fake for shots to take
A different life was shown

Work and school and work
Were priorities and cost commitment
No hair dye no piercings
With tattoos unthinkable
Rebellion was not permitted

But we developed and grew
Into people we knew
And people who were in command
Not forcing or pressuring
Just simple persuasion
As I just gave a helping hand

And so labeled a ring leader
From those early years
Which follows me to this day
Not an aim or a goal
Or a mind of my own
With anything good to say

Little they know
How much goes into a show
To make it seem flawlessly flowing
A duty was done
In the aid of fun
With consequences of their loathing

I was never a fool
And they knew that too
Which made them more terrified
I think
My friends weren’t zombies
Who relied on long legacies
They weren’t destined to sink

I’ll never convince them of the good I’ve done
Because they’ll never look past the past
I regret nothing
Because I did nothing bad
I just proved
My friends are there to last


Creative Cleanse

I will, one day, go back to the earth
Detox myself from the world
Learn to be happy with little
Not want for materialistic things
Actually relax in a safe place
I will nourish my body with all that is good
With all that is natural
Resulting in feel good because of this
I will stretch instead of tensing
Using the air as motivation
And breathe
I will appreciate more in life
As I watch the waves slowly drift away
While I listen to the soothing sounds
The constant hum in my mind and my brain
Will be no more
Communication will be social
Letters and conversations and scheduled dates
People I’ve chosen to surround myself with
As they are the happiness in my life
Because I chose to get rid of the weighing negativity
Which only ever loomed over me
And made my stomach turn with anxiety
But anxiety will be switched for butterflies
And all things wonderful and bright
Just like my own space
Filled with trinkets and nooks
Of experiences and memories
That make me happy
And still do
Memories made because I said yes
Because I had courage
Because I made a pact to myself to stop worrying
As worrying was not what I was made for
Rather, exciting anticipation
Which made me too excited to sleep
When I got the excitement back
I hope one day I’ll arise to the sunshine with a smile on my face
I’d like to share my happiness with the world
I’m just not happy right now
But I’ll be okay
Because I’ll learn and bring sunshine back into my life
And be content
I will, one day, go back to the earth

Time Only kNows whY

“I miss her too” were the lasting words I heard you say
8 years ago
On the month after May

I was small and confused and didn’t know why
but we were all weak that day
and I saw you cry

But a memory so long ago remained in my head
one simple sentence
with nothing else said

Things never added up because I thought family was blood
but I found out why a long time after
and I thought I understood

Postcards address from her from Greece
although she was my grandmother
she was your niece

You chose to comfort me out of a sea of people you knew
everyone saw your glassy eyes
but you still stayed and kept pushing through

A moment I remember from the time I wish I could forget
and you may have even forgotten
the 10 year old sobbing brunette