When I grow up

When Im 18 I’ll be able to vote
I can give blood
And I’ll give back to the world
I’ll be able to get tattoos and piercings without anyone else’s consent
Drinking will not leave me with unwanted guilt
I won’t be a hypocrite for doing these things already

When I’m 18 I’ll know how to drive a car
I’ll be able to book a holiday
I will know how to rent a house
I’d be able to use an oven
I can get to somewhere I want to go
I will take studies seriously, if I take them at all

When I’m 18 I’ll feel confident
I won’t be living a lie
I won’t be scared to be judged by my age
I won’t feel so insecure over not knowing enough
I won’t feel like I have to constantly prove myself
I’ll feel like I’ll become my own person
I won’t be over sensitive

When I’m 18 I’ll walk with pride
I won’t dismiss my opinions
I will believe that my thoughts are valid
I’ll be able to act my age
I won’t have the excuse of my age
I’ll think of myself as a capable person

I won’t have any hesitations
Because when I’m 18, I’ll know.

Staying Afloat

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I feel like I’m falling. Just deep down into a detrimental abyss as I try to keep the charade up of the life I’m living in. I shouldn’t be here. I’m not ready to be here and “here” is already half way through. I can’t use an stove, I’ve never ironed a day in my life and I can’t tell the different between a washing machine and an oven, despite never using either. I feel like I’m so false and pretending to be ok. When in reality I’m sinking pretty fast. Sure on the outside I’m happy and happy to go along with frivolous things but I could never trust myself to be myself. I’m scared. I get scared a lot. With every boost of confidence comes a “you’re still underage and you still don’t understand”. And I don’t understand. I don’t understand how people make it look so easy so quickly. We’re more finished than starting and that’s terrifying that I still am terrified. I don’t want to take the rubbish bins out on my own, I don’t know how to mop a floor and I don’t understand how to use a cheese grater. No one sits you down to explain these things and I just feel like I’ve been standing for too long. I feel like I shouldn’t be in control of my life. I don’t feel comfortable buying something or going somewhere unless someone tells me that’s ok because in my mind it’s not. I’m trying to stay afloat but in the process I’m a sinking ship. Everyone makes it look effortless. They walk with pride in their stride and a head held high. I’m scared of alcohol and the effect it has on people and I’m scared it might have that effect on me. Because it might. And no one is there to say no and no one is there to tell me to ring them at three am for a lift home to a safe house in my cosy room which I’m familiar with. I know I’m living a life that others dream for but it’s sad that it’s not my dream. But I don’t know my dream, which scares me more. It’s frightening to think that anything fun I do after here has to be done on paid holidays and after hours. When you don’t know what you want, people think that that is an invite for them to analyse and choose for you. I feel guilt when I reject their selection but I’m not going to dig a bigger hole. I’m scared of the possibilities, even though that’s what I should be exited for. I’m not passionate about the stage of my life I’m currently in. And that’s what scares me the most.

But then again, I could just be homesick.

Happy 2-Year-A-Versary

Two whole years and I finally stuck to something!
It’s that time of year where I become all sentimental about putting my whole life online.
From the very start, to one year, to now. . . it all seems so surreal.

I’ve always tried to keep a journal, but then I start a new one, or forget about it etc etc *insert excuse here*. But it’s amazing to type in a simple URL and BOOM. . . there’s my past two years. Two years complete with drama, stress, videos, leaving cert, friends, and poetry (surprisingly).

I’ve talked to some amazing people here, and got to connect with so many individuals that are all so talented. With a few blog awards up my sleeve also!

It seems like my little haven of procrastination has grown into something that I’ve developed into my little comfort space on the internet. Despite the fact it’s open to the public eye.

My blog has developed me, as a person. It helped me to realise how much I actually enjoy writing, and how I can pursue it without having to do a degree in it.

So maybe I’ll keep this as a hobby, or maybe I’ll take it a bit further. But all I know if the next two years are as successful as my last two, then I don’t think I could be happier!

Here’s to Him

Here’s to the man who could silence a room with just a wave of his hand.
Who was the kind of person who didn’t have to introduce himself.
But was always a humble, generous man.

Here’s to the man who could never get through the 6 o clock bell rings without a drink in his hand.
Who actually gave me my first drink, without even thinking.
But who never lost the love of it.

Here’s to the man who made fun of my grooming.
Who mocked me every year for packing an extra bag.
And who lost track of the days thanks to my outfit changes.

Here’s to the man who made the dinner noises.
Who never failed to entertain a crowd after a meal.
And who never wanted to visit a different restaurant.

Here’s to the man who didn’t tolerate silliness.
Who never humoured his grandkids.
But who was always humours to his teenage fan club.

Here’s to the man who was always right.
Who radiated wisdom and knowledge.
But who would always be easy to verbally understand.

Here’s to the man who could throw a tantrum.
Who won many cases and brawls.
And who never could get a moment of peace.

Here’s to the man who had a heart of gold.
Who had a scary reputation of being the best.
And who thrived off it.

Here’s to the man who would probably laugh at me writing this.
Because I could never recite poetry for him.
But that’s the thing about his complements.
When you get one, they actually mean something.

So here’s to the man with the weirdest family connection to mine.
Because it’s not every day you get such a complex character as your uncles ex-wives partner.
And it’s not every day he actually liked you, as insignificant as your role in his life seems.

Beauty -Lauren Moriarty

As a child I would sit cross legged
On my parents bed.
I would watch, fascinated,
As mum got ready for a night out
With dad.
She hummed softly to herself
As he showered.
I listened to the soundtrack
Of comfort and familiarity.
Mums make-up bag lay strewn
Across rumpled covers,
I would take out each product
And hold it in my small hand
Rub the soft brushes against my skin,
Trace the lipstick around my mouth,
Thinking to myself
This is what makes beauty

I placed make-up on
A pedestal.
In my opinion,
It was the only thing that could
Create beauty.
Growing older,
This belief only intensified.

As a teenager I would sit cross legged
In front of the mirror
Practicing the skill of creating
Beauty.
The music this time
Was composed of insecurities,
Another soundtrack that had become
Familiar.
I learned how to contour,
How to make my lips fuller,
My eyes pop.
But Yes, I liked wearing it,
It gave me more confidence
Turned down the music,
But I wasn’t beautiful.
something was wrong
I didn’t look, I didn’t feel
Beautiful.

Over time,
I learned that beauty
Doesn’t come wrapped in
Mac or L’Oreal.
It is an ideal
Of an individual mind.
It is an aspiration not
An achievement.

As an adult I sit cross legged
As I read and write poetry
I have learned that there is
Many types of beauty.
It can be found in words,
Rhythms and patterns.
Beauty is an art not a person,
Beauty is this poem,
Not me.

***
Hi Friends! So this was written by the lovely Lauren Moriarty and I begged her to let me post it here! Sadly, she has no blog of her own. . . yet. . .I’m still working on it ;) 
So I hope you all enjoy her art as much as I do!

My Travel Must Haves!

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To avoid your room from looking like this before you set off on a journey, you need to be prepared. 2014 brought me loads of travels. To France, to Spain, to Donegal, to Dublin, to Cork and to University in Galway, I’ve had more than my fair share of travelling! Not that I’m complaining of the travelling, of course not, but rather I’m complaining about the packing!

Someone once said that “Getting there is half the fun”. (If the other half is returning home then it must have been an awful trip! Ha ha ha I’m hilarious). If half the fun comprises of last minute packing and overthinking, then count me in! (Once again I’m so hilarious!)

My main obvious must haves for when I’m travelling is my phone, my laptop, every possible charger, my hair straightener, and a packet of crisps!

For holidays abroad, I pack a whole month into a suitcase when I should really be packing for a week. Basically, I’m not a light packer. I can’t just get up and go because that stresses me out too much. I also can’t pack in advance because I’m never too bothered. Oh the perks of being a procrastinating perfectionist!

You know those clear plastic zip bags you can get for the likes of make up?

I stole this photo from some website

These bad boys are my best friends. I use them for everything! I can see exactly whats inside them, which means things are never lost. AND they usually fit into hand bags so I never have to be rummaging around. I just have to whip out my clear bag and BAM I’ve found what I was looking for! (They’re also easy to clean and cheap to buy).

I’m the kind of person who is prepared for every situation possible. Because of this, I have taken the liberty to go through my basic carry bag and make a list of all the useless junk that I found in there. Enjoy.

  • Soap
  • Pen and paper
  • Pencil (in case the pen runs out)
  • Tissues and a bit of toilet paper
  • A portable water gun (I can’t even explain this one)
  • A mini torch
  • Plasters
  • Headphones
  • Lipgloss
  • Sweets from a box of roses (melted chocolate yaay)
  • Tan tights
  • Glitter nail polish

Obviously these aren’t must haves, but rather things-that-I-always-carry-around-just-in-case. I should be more practical and tell you to pack a toothbrush instead of a unicorn. (Yup, the first photo was actually my room.)

Oh, and don’t forget a nice pair of fresh socks on your travels!

***
Hi Friends! This post was inspired by RelayRides. They are a peer-to-peer sharing car rental service who are interested to find out how they can make travelling easier! If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them from you! I can’t be the only one who travels with an emergency unicorn, right?? 

 

Red Buttons

I fell in love with a self destruct button
Who was anything but a sheep
Rather unusual to find
And impossible to keep

A wanderer and a wonderer
Was all I ever could be
I didn’t think much of it
Until your words said it to me

We were content in silence
With cheesy grins and messy hair
No one ever saw that side of you
Not that they’d even care

It’s weird to be in love
Whether with a button or a boy
Yet this button of mine
You played with like a toy

Engrossed by your thoughts
Or preoccupied with your head
Thinking back on it all
Did you mean anything you said

It’s hard to see your suffer
And pushing people away
To feel overwhelmed
For you is just an ordinary day

Maybe you’ll hit the red button
Or maybe you’ll pick up a pen
This pain is only temporary
Until we’re together again