Beauty -Lauren Moriarty

As a child I would sit cross legged
On my parents bed.
I would watch, fascinated,
As mum got ready for a night out
With dad.
She hummed softly to herself
As he showered.
I listened to the soundtrack
Of comfort and familiarity.
Mums make-up bag lay strewn
Across rumpled covers,
I would take out each product
And hold it in my small hand
Rub the soft brushes against my skin,
Trace the lipstick around my mouth,
Thinking to myself
This is what makes beauty

I placed make-up on
A pedestal.
In my opinion,
It was the only thing that could
Create beauty.
Growing older,
This belief only intensified.

As a teenager I would sit cross legged
In front of the mirror
Practicing the skill of creating
Beauty.
The music this time
Was composed of insecurities,
Another soundtrack that had become
Familiar.
I learned how to contour,
How to make my lips fuller,
My eyes pop.
But Yes, I liked wearing it,
It gave me more confidence
Turned down the music,
But I wasn’t beautiful.
something was wrong
I didn’t look, I didn’t feel
Beautiful.

Over time,
I learned that beauty
Doesn’t come wrapped in
Mac or L’Oreal.
It is an ideal
Of an individual mind.
It is an aspiration not
An achievement.

As an adult I sit cross legged
As I read and write poetry
I have learned that there is
Many types of beauty.
It can be found in words,
Rhythms and patterns.
Beauty is an art not a person,
Beauty is this poem,
Not me.

***
Hi Friends! So this was written by the lovely Lauren Moriarty and I begged her to let me post it here! Sadly, she has no blog of her own. . . yet. . .I’m still working on it 😉 
So I hope you all enjoy her art as much as I do!

Let’s talk about. . . make up!

Recently, I was nominated for the Irish Blog Awards, 2014 (*insert cheering noises here*). Being the person that I am, I looked at each of my competition (ok…that sounds very serious! Oops) and realised that a good majority of them were fashion and beauty blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I know these bloggers work just as hard as I do on my blog! They were all just very similar. As a rule of the internet, is there’s a lot of popularity for blogs and youtube channels dedicated to fashion and makeup. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought, ‘was I wrong for not having the interest in something which a lot of my category had?’ I’d never pretend to know more about any part of beauty just to gain a few extra followers, but if there’s such an interest in it, shouldn’t I be interested in it too? And the more I thought about this, the stupider I was, because blogging should always be about a person passions. And beauty isn’t mine. 

It’s not like I’m opposed to fashion and beauty. I just don’t know much about it. Lord knows that I wear make up, and try to look as good as I can in clothes. I just know I’m not the right person to suggest beauty tips to. Some girls are exposed to the fashion industry at a young age. I was not one of these. I was always a “girly girl” when I was younger, but my mother or my older sister were not. Therefore, I had to discover the world of beauty on my own. I always loved nail polish though. I had a ginormous collection for as long as my parents can remember! My mum was the typical tomboy growing up. She was the only female on the football team for five years, and she cut her hair as short as she could as soon as she was allowed to. My sister just never had an interest. But there was a big difference in the two of them. My sister looked down on her own peers who wore make up. To her it symbolised the opposite of intelligence and degraded anyone who wore it in their daily life. However, as soon as my mum saw I had an interest, she tried to help me as best as she could. She helped buy me make up from recommendations she went to the trouble to ask for. After that, I was on my own.

I started to wear make up when I was about 14. I still remember buying my first mascara. It was for sports day in my school, as we got to dress up every year and that year we chose to be “rockers”. I was so proud of my little tubey thing of mascara. From there, my collection grew. My cousins gave me some products, and I started to get the courage to buy my own. I always felt so nervous going into a make up shop. I felt like I was getting judged all the time. I felt like I wasn’t educated enough to actually be allowed to buy my own products! Now, I’d just saunter in with not a care in the world! It took me a lot of years to not be embarrassed about wearing make up. It also took me a lot of YouTube videos!

The first time I bought liquid eyeliner, my sister told me I bought the wrong one. I refused to believe her and bought it anyway. The first time I tried to put it on, I cried because I couldn’t do it properly. I felt like an impostor of a girl because I couldn’t do a simple straight line on my eyelid. So I just cried. Eventually, after many nights of intense practice, my lines got less wobbly. And I know now that eyeliner isn’t exactly the easiest thing to apply! I just wish someone had told me that the first time I tried it on. It would have made me feel less like a failure, and more confident to do it again. 

I’ve only started to wear full foundation this year. Previously, I had just worn concealer or BB cream, but this year I took the leap and bought myself foundation! Even at 17, I felt embarrassed to buy it! But I now know that no one really cares what you buy, never mind judging you for it! My skin (thankfully) is not covered in spots daily, and is neither too oily or dry. So I’m pretty lucky and grateful for that! 

As for lips, I’m still venturing into that department! I usually wear something which is the exact same colour as my lips, so I’m not too adventurous there yet! Maybe one day I’ll have the courage! 

One thing I did learn from looking at all the other talented beauty blogs is that everyones style is unique. Which is an amazing message that each blog is giving out to young naive girls, just like me. 

Oops, I’m outside

Oh look. I’m outside. That’s always fun.

So basically, I’m mid way through my exams and I haven’t left my house in longer than I care to share with the internet.
I know I should be grasping every minute to study and this week will literally change my life forever… but oh well.

I was upstairs in my room and looked out my window and I remembered that when my sister was doing her leaving cert (end of year exams), she always told me that I should be outside instead of on the internet. Of course I didn’t follow her instructions. But looking out that window-

IRRELEVANT SIDENOTE: my dad just locked me out of the house as he thought no one was outside. . . wow. .  .

So yes, looking out that window I actually understood what she meant.

But I know that I’ll forget about it all this time next week.
BECAUSE THAT’LL BE SUMMER

OTHER IRRELEVANT SIDENOTE: There’s many stray cats around where I live and they’re all meowing at me and I feel like I’m the one not be to be here…..

The first one has a white moustache but doesn’t like humans. The second one is my friend.

OKAY

So I was rambling about some window strategy but I’ve kinda defeated the purpose of this post as it got dark and I had to go back inside.

I’m almost finished my exams.
I’m almost there.

I love writing this blog, I really do, but I just feel like I’ve kinda reached it’s full potential at this point. I’d love to move on to something new, but WordPress has definitely become my safety blanket. The dream is to one day become a successful YouTuber, but not for the fame. I LOVE MAKING VIDEOS. They’ve always been my passion, and this blog was started so I could dip my toe into the water of the public. It has been successful, there’s no doubt about that. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve been actively blogging for over a year, so it’s really interesting to go back to where I was this time last year and see how much (and how little) I’ve changed. My mind frame, and way of thinking has totally changed, and I’m starting a new chapter of my life soon. But hopefully that chapter involves making more videos, and making more online friends here. I have no idea where I’m going in life and the internet has thought me that that’s ok. I know this is my first blog, and very unstructured, and unplanned, and unscheduled. . . but that’s why I love it. It truly is my haven of procrastination. My comfort. My secret.
But who knows, right?

“I’M DOING ME LEAVIN”

Ahhhhhh blehhh mehhhh gadhhhhhh

It starts tomorrow

TOMORROW

And I’m so excited!
Like, I’m not dreading the oncoming week at all! Which is rare!

I’ve convinced myself that it’s not the end of the world. I’ve worked(ish) for the past two years, and I will succeed.

If I don’t, I have like a billion back up plans.

I don’t know if there’s any other leaving cert reading this, or anyone else doing the equivalent of final year exams, but we can get through this!

I’ve gathered a few videos about studying and exams which has sorta helped me get through my final year. But who knows yet.

As these tests kind of determine my future, you won’t see me here until the 18th of June!

I’ll see you on the other side guys!

Here we go:

Take a look at this video if you’re feeling a bit scared about it all.

Take a look at this if you’re up for a tune with a good message in the video.

 

Take a look at this if you want some easy study tips, and easy outfit ideas (if you don’t have a uniform that is). 

Take a look at this if you’re looking at how to survive exams.

Take a look at this if you want to distract yourself from worrying. 

Take a look at this if you’re dreading exams, and need a laugh.

 

Take a look at this if cheating is your last resort! 

My music, “My” instrument

 

I have no doubt that any of you reading this can say that music changed their life.
-presumably for the better.

I am no different to this cliche.

Although it has saved me from being sad or wallowing in self pity, I cannot say that music has solely saved me from the likes of myself.

But this post isn’t about that, oh no. This post is about how I can’t even look at my ukulele without being drawn to it.
I believe that  every person has “their” instrument. Whether it’s guitar and piano, the most popular, or the glockenspiel, everyone has an instrument that they’re attracted to.

Like, you can tell the difference between someone who loves to play piano . . . and someone who just plays piano.

I started the guitar about two years ago. (I had played the classical and wooden flute and the the tin whistle since I was about six). I always wanted to try guitar as I loved listening to it, and I loved watching people play it. So I got lessons, I attended these lessons and well. . . I was just average. I could play it with no problem, and I found no hassle in learning off finger shapes. I just didn’t have the passion to play it like I thought I did. This sorta upset me as I was looking forward to it and I was bummed out that it wasn’t as fun as I thought it was. After a year, I stopped going to lessons as I knew the basics and could just learn things online by myself. And to be honest, it just sat in my room a lot.

However, last November I decided I wanted a ukulele. I knew I was getting a laptop for christmas, so I didn’t want to ask my parents to buy me this. Instead, I just talked about it non stop. Originally, they kind of laughed at me. I had a guitar, why would I need a mini version? But I would just bring it up in conversation a lot. I got them used to the idea. And so, when February came, I was visiting my cousins and I bought a ukulele! 

It was portable, fun to play, easy to learn, and cute to look at.
Instantly, it became my instrument. I have become so obsessed with it that I don’t even bother putting it back in its case any more. I could just be walking around and I’d think of a good chord progression, pick up my uke and play it, and put it back down again. It has just become a constant part of my life- and I love it. In less than two months, I had become better at playing ukulele than I did playing guitar. In fact, I tried playing my guitar a few weeks back . . . my guitar teacher would cringe at the sounds I made.

But I have found my instrument that makes me uncontrollably happy and want to listen and play and watch all at the same time. I believe everyone has “their” instrument. Have you found yours yet? 

I’m in a predicament

You see, the deal is that I hate people. 

But only recently. 

I mean, I know there’s good people out there. But if someone were to hand you a plate of cookies and tell you that 4 out of 5 of them had death-causing drugs in them. . . there’s not a very high chance you’d pick one at random. I don’t know where that metaphors going, but whatever. 

If you were to talk to me this time last year I would have told you my friends are my world. And they are, just not as much as they used to. My “best friend” stopped talking to me in the past month for no reason, and when I confronted her today about is she kept repeating the phrase, “I don’t know”. 
I don’t know. 
Don’t ask me, I don’t know. 
I still don’t know. 
I don’t know. 
It felt like I was talking to a child. A petty, immature child. Not someone who is eight months older than me. Slowly, she’s turning the friend group against me. This is surprising, as we’re known around school as “Eimear and Them”. I know there’s the majority of girls in the group who won’t want to take sides. But come September, when they’re all in school being constantly around her, and I live an hour away. . . whose side are they honestly going to take? 

It’s not out of badness. . . just the insecurity that if this one girl doesn’t accept their opinions, that the whole group will come tumbling down. 

But lately I’ve been feeling like I’m surrounded by idiots. It may be the fact that school is finishing forever in two days, and my stress levels are high. But honestly I think it’s due to the fact that I spend far too much time on tumblr. 

Unlike my class mates, the majority anyway, who occupy themselves with gossip on facebook, I am constantly surrounded by awareness posts on tumblr that I would never have access to otherwise. . . and cats. . . many many cats. . . but cats are not important now! 

I can blame it on stress. I can blame it on hormones. I can just simply blame it on being a teenager. 
But blaming it doesn’t solve the problem. 

I want to inspire people, and I feel like my mind is too swollen to do that where I am currently. 

It’s only recently that I’ve notice that I filter myself around people. I play the role as the “always happy” one who is “always smiling”. I am handed problems with the notion that I can fix them all without thinking twice. 
And I can. 
It’s just tiring. 
Because people hand me their problems without handing me potential solutions. 

I have just come to the conclusion that my friends are sheep. 

I’m just a shepherd. Unintentional, yes. But a shepherd no doubt. 

Today for example, one of my friends was out. We sit in a three in maths. I’m at the end, and my friend in the middle was absent. My friend who sits at the other end would be very close to me. She’s one of the few who would take my side with no questions asked. But today, she asked me was it alright to sit next to me. 
Of course it was. 
And I felt horrible at the fact that she felt she couldn’t do that without my permission. 
Now, to you, this may be a useless story but the more I’ve noticed it, the more I realise the extent of little stories like that.

I’m the one with the constant responsibility. I alone have to make sure everyone’s happy, whilst being happy myself. 

But after five years, I feel exhausted. . . 

Not happy. 

Birthday Haul!

I proclaim that I officially have the best friends in the world, and if you disagree- we’re both pretty lucky! Although my birthday was last monday, I had a few friends camping over at my house last night. . . *cough 12 friends cough*. Every year I insist on them all making homemade cards- as I do it for each of them! But that’s a whole other topic. And as much as I loved all of their unnecessary presents they bought me, they made me a video! I’m the film maker and editor of the group, but this time they decided to go behind my back and get as many of my friends as possible and record them saying nice things. This included them, (of course), my friends on the bus, my friends who live four hours away, and loads of girls in my year group who they wouldn’t know as well! I almost bawled my eyes out crying at this video- and so did my mother! It was amazing, they were amazing, and they still are amazing. But enough bragging about my video, I’m here to brag about what I got for my birthday! Before you get judgemental, I’m not going to show you diamond rings and expensive gifts they got me. . . rather, I will show you food, toys, things that sparkle and pugs.

Pictured above is my lovely doggy, whose face is the new header of my second blog. . .

First up, we have the lovely toys that I got! Plus my friend made me little kawaii figurines! Two of my friends got me the same giraffe toy, so one is called ‘Ger’ and the other one is called ‘Affe’. It took my friend five minutes to catch onto the joke. . .

What else could you want for your birthday than a my little pony jumper!?! Along with this, I got a Pretty Little Liars one size fits all crop top, finding nemo socks, pug socks, and slippers! I’m spoilt I tell you!

FOOD is next! In total for my birthday I received 42 creme eggs… That has to say something about me…. Oh, you can ignore the One direction sweeties… they practically give them away here!

Glitter is a necessity in life, along with bubbles. I got many of both! I always have ’emergency glitter’ in my pencil case…. 

I suppose this is the movies/musicals section of my presents. FROZEN DVD YES. Hunger games necklace, itunes voucher, SIGNED WICKED poster. This was a fun bunch.

This is the ‘pretty’ presents, which makes me smell better! (Yes friends, I took a hint ;D) I got like 5 loofahs!

These were presents which didn’t fit into a catagory… Friend picture frame, nail polish, earrings, wallet, wind chime, word changing mug, a written hug, and a clothes voucher!

Where would I be without a pug pillow and unicorn bag? My mum actually wouldn’t let me buy that pillow when I saw it last week! I showed her!

This is a tradition between myself, and one of my dear friends who shares the same taste in everything as me! I got her a nemo balloon on her birthday last year, she got my my little pony last year, this is our third year!

So I hope you’ve enjoyed this, because I know I have! Please like it, if you like it, if you like 😉