This is not the end

Ever since I made this blog I have struggled with my online identity.

I have scheduled posts, wrote weekly posts, wrote daily posts, wrote monthly posts, and yet I was always able to write for me.
For some unknown reason, in the past few months, I’ve felt myself become so distant to my blog and, in turn, my persona of ‘EimzPink’.
I know I’m no celebrity, and my Hannah Montana inner feeling is nothing like my actual situation (lol). But I just can’t help feeling dissociated from this blog. I never knew what I wanted to achieve with it, and I actually achieved so much with it!

However, this was all behind my screen. It had power over me. Anyone who knew had power over me. My inner thoughts, feelings, situations, mindsets, everything that consumed me. It was just available for anyone to stumble across.

I distanced myself because of this. Scheduling posts instead of publishing right away just incase someone noticed my mood when I wasn’t ready to talk. My own comfort corner of the Internet stopped bringing me comfort. It brought me the exact opposite. It stopped being my safe space.
Passive aggressive poetry was used instead of my old format of “today was a bad day and this is why …”

I lost touch with a lot of bloggers who I wanted to engage with. My blog squad felt distant but I knew I belonged with them.

I never want to delete this blog. I have timeless personal memories of times caught by a burst of emotion I wanted to remember. Although I felt paranoid at the time, I don’t mind having my past public because those posts made me the writer that I am today. Yes, they’re so cringey. But I love my progress.
However, I think it’s time to put my ambiguity to rest. I don’t like the clouded version of myself. I don’t feel ashamed for what I think anymore. I’m not just a moody kid with a blog.

I’m not stopping this blog, just simply cutting back. I’ll write a monthly letter, and maybe some updates but I want to end the ‘EimzPink’ era.

My name is Eimear.
I’m a 20 year old almost University graduate.
I love to write.
I also love a lot of other things.


5 thoughts on “This is not the end

  1. Life is about choices Eimear. Sounds like you’ve been at a crossroad…determining which path to take on the next leg of your journey. I’d say that takes incredible strength and inner knowledge and fortitude. I don’t know you, yet I am proud of you. Keep going on the path and change as often as necessary until you find the path calling to you 🙂

  2. Writing and Blogging, as well as poetry and prose are all like the wind and the rivers. They flow at different speeds and move pieces of the self from one place to another, ever seeking the balance joy that all of us try to find. I think it’s best to write when the flow wants to flow. If that means stepping back, taking a break, scribbling one liners on a page and then posting a photocopy of it at the end of each week, then that’s what you should do. It’s about you. and you know what’s best. Your readers will be patient and will always support you and the words you put into ink.

  3. I can relate. When you write from the heart, you’re putting so much your expression onto the screen. It forms an image of what the heart, soul, and mind (complete abstracts) look like. It really is still a part of you, but I can understand what you mean by getting too “clouded” by it, I’ve experienced that myself. Whatever you feel is best for you, only you’ll know, and your readers will understand regardless.

    You write, you’d understand. It stands to reason other writers would, too 🙂

  4. Writing is something that we all need to do at times in our lives. It is a necessity and cannot be ignored. There are other times when we simply lose the desire for a while. You will be fine by doing what is best for you 🙂

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