This is not the end

Ever since I made this blog I have struggled with my online identity.

I have scheduled posts, wrote weekly posts, wrote daily posts, wrote monthly posts, and yet I was always able to write for me.
For some unknown reason, in the past few months

I’ve felt myself become so distant to my blog and, in turn, my persona of ‘EimzPink’.
I know I’m no celebrity, and my Hannah Montana inner feeling is nothing like my actual situation (lol). But I just can’t help feeling dissociated from this blog. I never knew what I wanted to achieve with it, and I actually achieved so much with it!

However, this was all behind my screen. It had power over me. Anyone who knew had power over me. My inner thoughts, feelings, situations, mindsets, everything that consumed me. It was just available for anyone to stumble across.

I distanced myself because of this. Scheduling posts instead of publishing right away just incase someone noticed my mood when I wasn’t ready to talk. My own comfort corner of the Internet stopped bringing me comfort. It brought me the exact opposite. It stopped being my safe space.
Passive aggressive poetry was used instead of my old format of “today was a bad day and this is why …”

I lost touch with a lot of bloggers who I wanted to engage with. My blog squad felt distant but I knew I belonged with them.

I never want to delete this blog. I have timeless personal memories of times caught by a burst of emotion I wanted to remember. Although I felt paranoid at the time, I don’t mind having my past public because those posts made me the writer that I am today. Yes, they’re so cringey. But I love my progress.
However, I think it’s time to put my ambiguity to rest. I don’t like the clouded version of myself. I don’t feel ashamed for what I think anymore. I’m not just a moody kid with a blog.

I’m not stopping this blog, just simply cutting back. I’ll write a monthly letter, and maybe some updates but I want to end the ‘EimzPink’ era.

My name is Eimear.
I’m a 20 year old almost University graduate.
I love to write.
I also love a lot of other things.

I’m creating a new blog. I’ve been working on it for a bit, but still have a few more details to smooth over before I announce it to here.
If this isn’t the first post of mine that you’ve read, then I want to thank you. I never thought I would get even a fraction of the support that I receive almost daily here. It really means so much to me.

When I’m ready, I’ll link my new blog.
But until then, I have to thank everyone who filled me with positivity about my writing. (With a special shout out to my blog squad of course! )

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Hopes for a better year

My recap of 2014 is coming soon. But while I was in the middle of that, I found my hope list from the start of 2014. Every year I do this, but this time I’m going to discuss it! It seemed so long ago writing it. Well, I suppose it was.

Don’t fail any of my mocks
Well, I didn’t succeed in this one! I came down with a throat infection and failed my maths and biology test!

Recover from my mock results and actually do good in my leaving cert
However, I didn’t fail anything in my Leaving Cert. I know I was much more capable of what I got. But hey, I got it!
Spend a whole night out with friends
I achieved this one! I spent a whole night outside in my friends back garden burning books and drinking beer!

To be healthier
I wouldn’t say I failed this, but I wasn’t too successful either. I didn’t become unhealthy, but I didn’t try my best to be healthy either. I’ve eaten take out more than I should have, but I’m not unhappy with myself.

To have a fab 17th birthday
This happened! It was pretty brilliant surrounded by people I loved. It had a few hiccups, but it was an overall good night.
Go to France with my friend
This happened. This happened and was perhaps one of my best experiences of 2014.

Spend a night stargazing
This didn’t necessarily happen in the respect that I dedicated a night to star gazing. But I have spent many nights looking at the twinkling dots in the sky.
Take a long roadtrip
I didn’t take a “long” roadtrip, but I was definitely on the road a lot this year! From all my travels, I’m still exhausted.
Go to university
I’ve completed this one as of September!

Be happy at university
This is a harder question to answer, but after a rocky first semester I think I can say that yes. I am happy in university.
Do something that makes my hair look nice
Hahahahahha nope. My hair is still a ratted mess! But I like it. So I don’t know if this is a success or a failure.

Learn how to do my make up better
Im a bit reluctant to answer this, but I think that I have perfected my liquid eyeliner. So yes, success.

Learn how to cook
Ahahaha nope! Still hopeless! But I made friends with some lovely cooks in college!
Finish at least one story
Nope! But with a Leaving Cert and University, I don’t blame myself.

Take my parents out for lunch
I’ve taken them many times, but I’ve never paid. That’s a goal for 2015.
Try to co operate and get along with my sister
Nothings gotten worse. I think we learned how to have an understanding with each other since we both live near each other.

Smile more
I don’t think I ever had a problem before, but I’ve smiled this year a lot. So, success!
Thank you all for an amazing year! Here are my goals for 2015.

Learn how to properly cook one meal, and have it as my signature meal.
Finish writing a proper story.
Write a letter to each of my friends who mean something to me.
Make time for all my friend groups.
Return to France.
Become closer with my cousins.
Finish my first year at University.
Get some sort of a job.
Become more healthy.
Get rid of negative people in my life.
Spend more nights going out with friends.
Have an amazing 18th birthday celebration.
Make a video for each month of the year.
Go to a concert.
Be happy.

Here’s to another year of rolling with it! ❤

Seasons Readings!

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I’ve always loved reading.
Whether that involved sneaking into my parents room to get a more challenging book, or loosing myself in a library. . . I’ve always loved reading.
This Christmas, I only received two books. Trust me, I’m not ungreatful, I was just a bit confused. On average for birthdays and holidays, I get minimum 5 books each time. I got 8 books for my last birthday.

But, I only ever asked for one book this year.

Cecelia Ahern is an Irish author. She is a daughter of a politician who married a member of a boyband. I had one summer almost 8 years back where I obsessed over her. I read every book possible, and I adored them.
As I got older, her books got more predictable. The guy gets with the girl, everything happens for a reason and everyone lives happily ever after. The last book I read of hers, “How to fall in love” was sickening predictable. I knew she sold it based off her name rather than her writing. Which makes me so sad, because I know there is better books out there, but on her name alone she could make a profit off a low budget book. Far deuce to her, obviously she has a family to feed and a home to take care of. But I just wish that I felt the same excitement as I did the first time I read her books. She was my biggest inspiration to actually start “professionally” writing. And were anyone to ask me for my favourite author today, I would still say her. Out of habit, out of less hassle, and out of hope.
My Dad knows how fond I am of her. He knows I’ve grown tired of her. But he still knows that when there’s a new book out, he has to get it for me, no questions asked. It only took a quick “I think Cecelia Ahern has a new book out” for one to appear under my tree a few weeks later. It is called, “The Year I Met You”. Which, according to The Irish Times is “Insightful and true”. Review wise, there wasn’t much else on the cover. It seems to have a main guy, a main girl, a main goal and a “destiny made this happen” meeting. It’s a light read, but I’m still looking forward to it. Because whatever I say about her as a writer . . . I still bought the book.

* * *

The second book bought for me was “Girl Online” by Zoe Sugg, AKA Zoella. I’ve been a subscriber to Zoella for almost 6 years now. I love her personality online and her positive outlook on life and the awareness she brings to her relatively young fan base. I do believe she is a good role model, and I will forever support her as she is a YouTuber. But, at the end of the day, this book is completely ghost written. I was very skepital when she announced she was soon releasing a book. That young woman has so much happening in her schedule that she simply doesn’t have time to set aside six or so hours per day to be constantly writing. And that’s perfectly fine, as she is a good public figure, and is attractive to a broad, young audience. At first, I just thought I had outgrown her. I didn’t think of her as creative for writing a book about a girl with a blog which features anxiety. Those are three words which sum up Zoe Sugg in a sentence. Writing is a way of living your dream life, and she’s already living hers. I hear her ghost writer is very good. I’m just sad that a publishing team had to use the brand name Zoella to get the book out, rather than using Zoe. The writer who stumbled onto YouTube at the correct time with the correct hairstyle. Obviously she has developed a lot since she started, which can be said of any creator. I’ve watched her grow into the person she is. But to the media, she is not the young twenty something year old who is having fun. No. She is Zoella. A brand, a name, and a quick way to pry on young girls to get sales. Good marketing, I have to admit. But a YouTuber is different from a “normal” writer. All we get from the writer is his or her thoughts on a sheet of paper. By typing in “Z” into the YouTube search bar, you can track Zoes whole life online. People get to know her personality, her friends, her family, her likes, her hobbies and her passions. Because of this, viewers strive for her to do well. She’s not just another name on another book. This time, it was her name on someone elses writing. Sure, it was her main idea and her characters. But I lost a lot of faith in Zoe Sugg when she took credit for a ghost written book for money. Obviously I’ll never know the full story. But I don’t think anyone ever will.

* * *
I’m looking forward to reading both these books. I’ll probably start with the Cecelia Ahern one, as it’s set around New Years Eve. If you have read either book, please let me know what you have thought of them! And as always, book suggestions are ALWAYS welcome!

Taizé! June 29th – July 6th 2014!

Hi friends! This is a very long and rambling post about my experience in Taizé, France, this summer, 2014. If you prefer videos, please check this one out! I hope you enjoy if you actually read it all! 😀 

An experience I will never forget is that of Taizé. I’m not just saying that. Trust me, I’d be the most honest person to talk about my opinion. I, for one, was originally dreading ‘Christian camp’. How wrong I was. My aunt had tried to get anyone in my family to go to Taizé for YEARS. None of my older cousins ever wanted to, and looked at me like I had three heads when I told them I was going. Apparently I was “taking one for the team” by agreeing to go with my aunt to pray ten times a day and scrub the toilet for the rest of the day. I didn’t go alone, obviously. I brought my friend with me. So herself, myself, my aunt and about 20 others set off to the airport to Taizé on Sunday morning.

We checked in and mingled a little bit with the people we were travelling with. We had previously briefly met them at a talk about Taize about two weeks previously. Otherwise than that we were just on our own. The plane over was fun. My friend (K) and I were sitting together, and we basically laughed the whole way to France! We arrived in Lyon airport and collected our baggage (mine was last) and followed a bus driver to her bus. We sat down the back with two brothers, and three girls. K was super sleepy so I chit chatted with the others while she slept. We arrived to Taize and two very good looking Swedish boys came to greet one of the boys in our group. It was the beginning of a great week. 

We dragged our suitcases to a room where we got introduced to the village and received our jobs. K and I had to clean the infirmary each day at ten. We were also told our times of bible group study. After this, my aunt sorted us all into rooms. Following a map, I managed to lead my whole bedroom to a sign that said “Leaving Taize”! We actually found our room after that and I claimed a bottom bunk bed. K claimed the bed over me. My aunt came around to sort us all out and told us about evening prayer happening. Some of the girls were too tired to go, but K and I went. It was completely different to what I was expecting. Everyone was sitting on the floor and just singing. No prayers, no lectures, no ceremonies. Just beautiful harmonious singing. My butt did hurt afterwards though from sitting so long! After prayer, we headed down to the Oyak. This is a tiny shop which has tables, tents and fairy lights surrounding it where people can meet.

Don’t ask me how, because to this day I still have no idea how K and I ended up playing “the foot game” with about 10 good looking Swedish boys. One of those amazing happenings I guess. We also played “ninja”, “samauri” and something about a bus. It was quite funny though. At half eleven, the Oyak closes and Taizé turns into a completely quiet village where we are meant to sleep until the next morning. But for some reason K and I decided to follow these strange Swedish boys into the dark side entrance of the church. It seemed harmless at the time, but looking back it sounds so dodgy. At the church more songs were sang between a smaller group of people. At about half one in the morning K and myself, along with two of our friends walked back to our room. We laughed the whole way home about how weird our night was. Our roommates were still up, and had no idea where we were. It was the beginning of an amazing week. 

K and I got up nice and early at 7am for showers. And let me tell you, being in a common bathroom with tanned Europeans can really lower a pale and freckley Irishs self esteem! We headed to morning prayer, which was the same as evening except we received holy communion. Breakfast was served afterwards. Every morning it was a bread roll, butter, two chocolate sticks and a bowl of hot chocolate.

Image from taizefrance.tumblr.com 

Our work started at 10am with a scary little nun. In the infirmary, we had to clean three bedrooms, wash the sinks, wipe the chairs and shelves, mop the floors and change the bins. It sounds long, but eventually we got the hang of things and were finished most days in forty minutes. K and I were usually finished earlier than everyone else, so we mostly strolled around for a bit before meeting up with others.

The Swedish boys invited us to play more games and we met a group of English girls who soon became our amazing friends. We ate lunch together. Lunch was my least favourite meal of the day. It was never as nice. I usually only ate the fruit given. We would form circles when we all stood around talking which would either turn into history lessons, or games. Either option was loads of fun. At 3 o clock, we sat in an hour long lecture about I-forget-what and we got sorted into smaller groups. An Irish girl who we made great friends with and myself were put together in a group with two Germans, two French and two Sweeds. They were all such lovely people, even if we did have nothing in common with them! We usually had tea in our little groups before meeting back with our friends. Tea was bowls of sweet tea and a little pastry. It was cute. Personally I didn’t like the tea, but I know a lot of people who would drink five bowls of it! I think I’ll stick to my Barry’s! We would have about two hours before dinner. The Oyak briefly opened for this time so we usually played more games down there.

One day we had a giant game of frisbee. It started off with a few of us clumsy, no eye coordination Irish and a few of the Swedish lads we knew who were quite good at the game. They mainly just laughed at K and myself trying to catch the frisbee in some way. We usually always failed. But then a couple of Germans wanted to join us. They were gorgeous, of course we said yes. But it was such a hot day. As Irish natives, we were not used to sun. Or frisbees as it’s usually too windy in Ireland to play. HOWEVER, all the Swedes and all the Germans effortlessly caught the frisbee with one hand and the other hand in the pocket and passed it on again whilst K and I lost all of our dignity by attempting to play. At one point we both just watched as the frisbee flew past us as we thought the other would go get it. We were wrong. It was hilarious. We were pretty awful, but we made good friends! Speaking of that frisbee, it got stuck on the top of one of the rooms and the lads had to lift each other up to go and get it back. It was a victorious day!

Dinner was served at seven and we always queued in the last row because that’s where the cutest Swedish boys were. Oh Christian camp priorities! Evening prayer was after this, and after that everyone headed to the Oyak. Besides from playing games, there would be musicians playing their instruments, shops open, and other various activities happening. We mainly just started all the games and all the sing songs. Everyone loved us Irish by the time we left! And of course we were the REAL Irish there.

There was a group of students from Northern Ireland who weren’t the nicest bunch of people. They had aftersun though, so we befriended them. There was like three that I would tolerate talking to again. Their leaders were really strict. They always had to be in groups of 3, they had to earn privileges, and got isolated from everyone if they disobeyed any rules. Originally we felt sorry for them and their matching GAA jerseys, but by the end of the week we purposely got them isolated because they annoyed us so much! There was one time that basically they stole ball from a girl I knew, and wouldnt give it back to her. So I, being the stubborn head of the group, went over and asked for it back. However, the two guys I asked just laughed and kicked it to the others, so I went over to the others and asked for it back and they didn’t say anything so one of the Nordies from the first group was like “she’z noh tew impressed wit cha” and I was like “No, I’m not. Can I have the ball back?” so the boy with the ball tried to kick it away but I just put my foot on it to stop it, which was when a guy like a foot smaller than me with braces said “yur gonna hav ta tackle meh four it” and I was like “Hah, good one” and handed the ball back to my friend. I’ve said it many times, but Northern Irish aren’t Irish.

  
The group of Swedish boys were most definitely our closest friends for the week. One of the boys from our group met them all last year, and when they greeted him at the bus stop, we were all amazed about how gorgeous they were. As K said, “It’s going to be a good week.” The first night down at the Oyak, we got properly introduced to them. It was even one of their birthdays. They invited us to play many games, and it was a brilliant night. We usually spent most of our day with them. A lot of our conversation topics would be about the differences in our cultures. All students in Sweden get PAID to go to school. How unfair is that? “Potatis” is potatoes in Swedish. Some cow licked a rock and the universe was created. The literal translation for “Under the sea” is “The ocean is deep”. Seven is the hardest word to pronounce in Swedish, but fem is quite easy. My friend had a romance with one of the Sweeds, so saying goodbye was harder for her than expected. I spent my last day comforting her all the way home. We were both so emotional, but she literally couldn’t stop crying. Unfortunately the other Swedish had girlfriends, so no more romances happened for the rest of us! But I have to say, they were all such flirts! And they didn’t even have to try! I seem to be talking about only boys here, and that’s because none of the Swedish girls talked to us for the week except one! She was so lovely, so maybe there are other nice Swedish girls out there! Haha! Well whatever their reason was, they didn’t like us anyway! The boys definitely made our week so much better than expected, and I know I’ll always thank them for that. 
 

The other group we got along with so well, were a group of English girls! Although we mainly bonded with two of them, their whole school group was so lovely and friendly. On our last day of bible group, I left my own group to go play games with all of them and my Irish friends. (Don’t worry, I didn’t just abandon my group! It was all sorted out!) The majority of our time spent with them was in the evening playing games and making more friends. One of our two new best friends claimed the boys in Taize by claiming they were her ‘boyfriend’. (Even if the guy didn’t know yet!) It was all very hilarious! We’re still in full contact, and they’re hopefully coming to visit us in October! We’ve vowed to get matching fanny packs for next year! 

To conclude, it was an amazing week. I know I’m not doing it justice, but Taize is so hard to explain to anyone who has never set foot there before. Yes, there is a religious aspect to it, of course. But everything is optional- meaning that everyone who was there, wanted to be there. This made the atmosphere so amazing. It was a very casual week, but it was definitely one of the best weeks of my life. 

 
Our Group 🙂 


Rain ponchos! 


Two of my Irish friends who I love dearly! 


At The Oyak 🙂 

 

A perfectly peaceful evening

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I was visiting my cousins down south last week, and the weather was strangely amazing. Like, over 20 degrees amazing. See that photo above? That’s obviously not 20 degrees. But that photo does have a story behind it!

It was a stunning day, and my cousin and I had just returned from a woodland walk. We decided to then go to the beach. And by we, I mean he decided and I didn’t want to say no to him. But when we got to the beach it was so crowded. Like, I felt like I couldn’t even breathe there were so many people on this tiny beach! I was also not expecting everyone to be practically half naked, so already I felt over dressed. I was wearing denim long shorts with a light shirt, so I was unintentionally covered up. Being at my cousins, I obviously didn’t know anyone else but him. However, it felt like he knew everybody. I felt awkward and honestly I did not want to be there. I was introduced to a few people, but they just seemed so. . . different from my own friends that I didn’t feel comfortable around any of them either. But being the good cousin that I am, I endured about an hour of this before my cousin finally got the hint.

That night, we went out for dinner. The restaurant was looking out over the beach, and it looked amazing. I asked my cousin did he want to go down after dinner and he, being the amazing cousin that he is, agreed. We walked down and sat on a wall. The only people on the beach were two couples, both with dogs. It was still quite warm out, so my cousin and I just sat on a wall looking out on the horizon. Just then, an elderly man appeared with a metal detecter. Yes, you read that right. He was our main source of entertainment. He was just the type of old man you’d want to hug. (And he told us he found a couple of euros). My cousin and I joked how we would throw our phones into the sand just so he could find them! (Obviously we didn’t! Hah). At one point, there were like 10 dogs on the beach. We talked to one dog owner (who let me play with her happy little puppy). Do you see that man standing in the photo? He came down with his dog and his cup of tea. Not takeaway tea or anything, like an actual mug with tea in it. He played fetch with his over hyper dog. We decided to name all the dogs. Our personal favourite was Bullet. Who ran after anything! We saw a car with a surfboard attached on the roof pull up. After they decided there were definitely no waves (clearly in the photo), they took out a couple of fishing rods and went fishing. A stray dog (named Daisy) came along, and we made friends with her.

It was like we visited a different place altogether, and I definitely liked the second one better. Although it wasn’t filled with girls in bikinis, my cousin quite enjoyed it too!
And that night we unintentionally matched outfits. #Twinning

The Leaving Cert Book Burning!


I had one of the most amazing nights last Saturday. I was invited to my friends house for a book burning, and I’ve never been happier. The group that was there wasn’t my usual friend group. I’ll spare you the long dramatic details, but this group accepted me with no questions asked, and I’ll always thank them for that.

So I arrived to her house, with a bunch of flowers and met the whole family. I was second there, with my friend (who’s always early). The other friend was in my other friend group, so I would be closest to her. This is getting fairly complicated. I’ll continue.
But you see, meeting her family was pretty cool, but I also MET HER KITTENS.
I made friends with this one. She’s called Moo.

After meeting the kittens and what not, we sat out at the pit waiting for the others to arrive. It was SO WARM and it was amazing just to finally relax! The rest of the group started to arrive and we chilled and talked for a bit. (That cat is called Vomit)

We then played garden games. And by games, I mean game. We basically played rounders/rugby/football all at the same time. . . very eventful. I regret wearing a dress. . .

We had food (curry woo) in the tent-like thing in the garden and listened to fairly funny 90’s pop music! One of the boys sister had made a cake for us! It was so cute! We were meant to put alcohol in it, and light it. . . but it didn’t exactly work. . . so we may or may not have used firelighters. . .

We finally got around to burning the books, and we burned until 2 o clock in the morning! It was a such a clear night, so the stars were amazing. We also called into a local radio station and got our names called out. We played more garden games, and had a lot of dmc’s (deep meaningful conversations) on the trampoline. It was perfection.

After that, we all went inside to watch a few movies, but at the end of the first hour, there was only 4 of us awake. That then dropped to myself and the hostess being the only ones awake. Instead of sleeping, we watched The Holy Grail, Kronks Movie, 21 and Over and Oliver and Co. Eventually everyone started to wake up and we had an Austin and Ally marathon!

But the night was perfection. I wouldn’t change one thing about it.

This one time…

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So this one time, my family and I went on holidays to The Canary Islands. My dad doesn’t like to be controlled by bus times or the prices and availability of taxis, so we usually bring our car on holidays. But in this case, we rented one for the week.
Normally, the adults in the family would choose the car for the week. For obvious reasons. However, my parents let my sister and I choose the car.
Naturally we chose this red and white jeep truck thing. It had three seats in the front and I can’t remember how many facing each other in the back. It also had no roof.
Safe to say we never were allowed to the pick the rented cars on future holidays after this one….