This is not the end

Ever since I made this blog I have struggled with my online identity.

I have scheduled posts, wrote weekly posts, wrote daily posts, wrote monthly posts, and yet I was always able to write for me.
For some unknown reason, in the past few months, I’ve felt myself become so distant to my blog and, in turn, my persona of ‘EimzPink’.
I know I’m no celebrity, and my Hannah Montana inner feeling is nothing like my actual situation (lol). But I just can’t help feeling dissociated from this blog. I never knew what I wanted to achieve with it, and I actually achieved so much with it!

However, this was all behind my screen. It had power over me. Anyone who knew had power over me. My inner thoughts, feelings, situations, mindsets, everything that consumed me. It was just available for anyone to stumble across.

I distanced myself because of this. Scheduling posts instead of publishing right away just incase someone noticed my mood when I wasn’t ready to talk. My own comfort corner of the Internet stopped bringing me comfort. It brought me the exact opposite. It stopped being my safe space.
Passive aggressive poetry was used instead of my old format of “today was a bad day and this is why …”

I lost touch with a lot of bloggers who I wanted to engage with. My blog squad felt distant but I knew I belonged with them.

I never want to delete this blog. I have timeless personal memories of times caught by a burst of emotion I wanted to remember. Although I felt paranoid at the time, I don’t mind having my past public because those posts made me the writer that I am today. Yes, they’re so cringey. But I love my progress.
However, I think it’s time to put my ambiguity to rest. I don’t like the clouded version of myself. I don’t feel ashamed for what I think anymore. I’m not just a moody kid with a blog.

I’m not stopping this blog, just simply cutting back. I’ll write a monthly letter, and maybe some updates but I want to end the ‘EimzPink’ era.

My name is Eimear.
I’m a 20 year old almost University graduate.
I love to write.
I also love a lot of other things.


Things I think about at night

Why is the sky currently orange? I wish I watched the whole Smosh live stream yesterday. I shouldn’t if had that cake for dessert. My cousin still isn’t talking to me, he’s being such a girl. I should learn a new song on guitar. I probably should have finished my English journal instead of making my friends birthday card. Why doesn’t my battery last longer? What topics can I write about next? My floor is going to be hard to clean with all the glitter I blew on it today. I’m excited to start a new personally written journal diary thing. I wonder why Strasbourg isn’t apart of Germany anymore. Who we’re those two people who had dinner with my family today. My sister still hasn’t got accommodation for college yet. This time next year I’ll be looking for accommodation. That’s scary. Ew studying. Why would you hire spy kids if adults are way more experienced? I should finish the Vampire Diaries. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a twin? I wish I had a twin like Megan and Liz. And just a bigger family in general. Why am I spamming twitter? I should get a new account name for my life. Wouldn’t it be cute to have a cat you can pet at any time? Why is my ‘best friend’ so annoying to me right now? I read my horoscope too often. I found out today my birth stone is Emerald. And that my sister has an Instagram. I’ve only 9 more months left if compulsory school left.

If you’ve made it this far I salute you bro.

I love my cute dog.

So we’ve this cat, (don’t worry, my title’s not misleading) and well it belongs to someone, we just don’t know who. She’s very cute and playful and called Oreo. Now, sometimes Oreo just likes to chill beside the basketball hoop base. For ages we had no idea why, but one day I copped on that it was a stalking place with a view of our bird house. Now we actually own a dog, a cross of a labrador and pointer named Mel. She’s ten this year and usually chases after cats, but for some reason not Oreo. We’ve no idea why, probably because Oreo doesn’t run from her and they’re both just awkwardly standing there. The cat even came into our house one day, and Mel wasn’t overly fazed by her. 
But today, Mel was barking at the cat outside. Thinking this was unusual I went over to her and knelt beside her looking out our french doors. Mel wasn’t barking at Oreo chillin’ at the basketball hoop base, she was barking to warn the birds who were about to be pounced on by Oreo. I just thought that was adorably cute and wanted to share.