2017 -Rolling it

2017 marks my fourth year of blogging. When I was fourteen, I never really knew what I wanted to write, or how exactly I wanted to write. I just let my blog flow. I have “rolled with it” since 2013, and that has exposed me to many awards, nominations, blog squad friends, being able to do giveaways, and opportunities such as attending film premieres and being invited to openings in my capital city. None of this happened overnight, nor did it happen close together. But it happened. And it was fun.
I’ve been debating for a while what to do with my little space of the internet, but I am at a loss.

My first thought is that my actual blog is a mess. I don’t have a niche, which means it consists of different categories ranging from absolutely anything. Because of this, I maybe wanted to start a separate blog to keep my writing separate from my personal. However, it is the personal element of having my blog that has got me countless opportunities.

My second thought is to have another blog and use eimzpink as my brain vomit page. But everything I have ever done on the internet links me to “eimzpink” and it has become such a large part of me and to think about casting that to the side creates a huge online identity crisis for me that I really couldn’t handle.

I have  definitely thought about stopping completely. I don’t think I could ever delete my page, because it has documented my writing since 2013 and I love to see my progression. But ,I have thought about deleting it. Although I’m not embarrassed of my thoughts and less developed writing, I’m not proud for it to be presented as my writing in comparison to what I could write today.

For a year I kept a schedule, which I thought weighed me down with unnecessary stress. But when I stopped, I missed the routine of writing in my life. I knew I had to write or edit something but now I know it doesn’t have to be online on time, so I have more time to work on it. But I usually don’t want to, because it will never be “good enough”. I didn’t mind posting when I knew I had to produce something. Now, I’m constantly second guessing myself.

Although I wanted this years mantra to be “rolling it” rather than “roll with it”, I don’t think I can commit to taking charge of  what will determine my life events this year.

All that aside, I wanted to recap on the past year like I usually do in one post. However, my 16 goals of last year don’t have simple “achieved” or “failed” answers. I feel like each one has a unique story and story of acknowledgement in my life this year. So, I’m going to make a separate post about that list when I can. Maybe.

However, here are my 17 things for 2017.

1. Finish University and Graduate
2. Travel Europe
3. Go on holidays with my cousins
4. Be healthier and get fitter
5. Go back to France
6. Visit an Irish landmark
7. Physically write more in journals
8. Pick up my camera a little bit more
9. Be more trusting
10. Say yes to something that I would be too scared to
11. Read, watch, and listen more
12. Get a job
13. Begin the process of getting my driving licence
14. Treat my parents in some way
15. Visit friends and family more often
16. Stop trying to portray and maintain myself in a certain way
17. Do more of what makes me happy

2017. Please be nice.

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Table for One

Have you ever had one of those late night slightly not sober nights of rambling with the people you’re most comfortable with? Sometimes it’s all fun and games and who has done what and what was your most embarrassing moment. Other times, epiphanies happen. I had an epiphany recently.

I am a generally positive person. I like to be happy, I like to make others happy and I like how I like being happy. Overall, I like people and do not hate humanity. I was talking about this to some of my friends recently. We are all passionate people, so this conversation got heated. I agreed that humans can do some awful things, but I’ve never experienced anything near that. That was my argument; why be mad at a world that has technically done me no harm?

Then it happened.
The one line that has stuck with me for so long after.
“You have the best faith in humanity because you don’t give anyone the opportunity to get close enough to hurt you”.

To say I was stunned was an understatement.
It was just weaved into conversation like something casual and that everyone knows.
But I just couldn’t shake it off.
I have always viewed myself as ‘reserved’, but I never realised to what extent.

Fake
Liar
Distrusting
Suspicious
Wary
Skeptical

All words that could describe me, and have been used to describe me. Personally I just prefer the term ‘reserved’. When I think of the list of words, there’s negativity. However, one word can just cancel all those others out. I never thought of myself as any of those words in particular, just a slight combination of them all. I’ve been called some of them a few times, and not always as an insult. It’s strange to identify as these words but I can’t help it.

I am reserved, and I always knew this. I just never realised how much other people know this. I also never realised how much it could be holding me back. There was no traumatic experience that shaped me into the reserved person I am. There’s no excuse why I shut others out and only pry open to less than a handful of people, before closing back up again. Layers and layers of personality, dreams, opinions and thoughts that I don’t feel comfortable sharing.

Honestly, I wish I could. I wish I could convince myself that people are interested enough to hear what I say. I know I’m interested in what anyone else would ever tell me. I wish I could convince myself that what I would be telling them would be interesting enough. I know if anyone told me something personal, I would definitely be interested.

All my other blog posts reach a conclusion or at least promise at the end.
But for this one I’m probably worse than where I started.

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Okay September

Dear September

We had a good time.
I’d like to think of you as a healing month. Most people dread September because it’s the official ending of Summer. For me, this wasn’t a bad thing. Summer could have been better, and you could have been better. But, you weren’t. You were just okay. But okay is what I needed. I needed a time to recap and renew and you were there for me for that. We had a strong ending, but not strong enough for me to want to keep you around. You were supposed to be a month of renewal, but nothing was new for me. I got a routine back. I learned how to cope with this new routine. I learned to accept this new routine. I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you.
Nothing significant happened with you, but I didn’t want it to. The last thing I needed was something extravagant, like almost every other month offers. I wasn’t occupied every second of every day, but I wasn’t bored. I was content to be with you this month. I wish you pushed me harder. I wished I was more prepared for what is to come. But I would have hated you if you pushed me any further.
We’re saying goodbye tonight, but we both know it’s not for forever. You were my month of getting back into routine and calming myself down in a relaxing way, which is what I dreamed of months before. I got exactly what I wanted, but then realised it wasn’t what I needed.
Loads of things happened with you. I moved back to college, got to know new people, started new classes, explored a bit more and got to spend a week with three friends I adore with all my heart. I really want to thank you for that opportunity.
You were my month to slow down, which is what I physically and emotionally needed.
Thank you September.

Until we meet again,
Eimear.

P.S. You are going to be terrifying next year.

 

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How Not To Study Week

As of the 17.12.15 at 18.30 I am half way through my degree.
Terrifying stuff.
As exams were approaching, we have a Study Week of no lectures the week before exams start to learn off the whole course. Of course, this week is meant to involve locking yourself into a room with only a desk and ensuring that your fees aren’t going to waste.
HOWEVER…. we all know that that never really works out….

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Cereal will be eaten at midnight with a dinner bowl due to awful sleeping hours, lack of clean dishes and not having proper meals. (No offense! Cheerios and Wheetabix isn’t the most nutritious snack!

 

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List of lovers will be made to keep track of your housemates love lives.
Oh dear. Lets move on!

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Buzzfeed quizzes and name quizzes will be shared in friend group chats for fun distractions. It works. This week I’ve found out I’m Monica from Friends, I’d save a plant in a house fire, the Taylor Swift song that describes me is “Shake it off” and that my personality type is INTJ. Which is 0.8% of the population.

 

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One of your housemates may bring down all the toilet rolls and suggest a craft session. After a few days of glueing, painting and glitter-ing.. well… long story short- we have a toilet paper Christmas Tree now.

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You may suggest to a housemate that wrapping a box would be cute for presents. Then spend almost an hour trying to wrap it properly.
…

It looked GREAT ok?????

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Okay
so a LOT of craft sessions happened
My house mates exam papers are now decorations in my home!
It was a huge hit 😀

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Emotional support will be needed from friends all around. Also, facebook is a pretty big distraction in itself. I mean… LOOK at those hearts… how exciting!

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It is important that when living in a house together that whoever makes the hot beverages alternates between people for equality. I enjoyed when it wasn’t my turn.

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Dressing up your housemates as a Christmas tree may be seen as “unproductive”

 

 

 

 

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So even if you plan a Christmas dinner with all your lovely housemates (and honourary housemates), get dressed up with candy cane socks and a christmas hat with matching nails… You may end up sleeping instead of everything you were looking forward to… *cough*

Buuuuut at the end of the day….

Even if you try to actually study this week…

your house is probably going to look like this:

So best of luck!
❤ Have a lovely Christmas ❤
And hopefully I’m not the biggest procrastinator out there!

To people who are sad…

I’m creating the post-not only to vent- but just to reassure someone somewhere that it’s totally ok to be sad for ‘no reason’, and it’s totally ok to be sad for a reason.
But its it?
Yes, ohmigawd yes it is. 

At the moment, I’m not ‘depressed’ per se, but I’m defiantly in a rut somewhere and I need to re surface.

So I make a list of things that are making me sad and make a list why they’re making me sad, and make a potential solution list. See, my sadness doesn’t just come and go. Something would happen, and I’d get over it. Then something else would happen, and I’d shake it off. Then something major would happen, and I’d spring back, then something MASSIVELY HUGE would happen, and I’d take a deep breath and face it with a smile. Then suddenly, I could drop a packet of crisps and just cry. In that very moment. Over that packet of crisps.
I’ve called it my ‘jenja’ emotions. It just takes one simple thing to topple it over.

So what’s the major issue at the moment? Not doing well in exams. When my class were all twelve years old in first year, which surprisignly seems so far away considering it is only been about four years, a teacher said to us:
“Thousands of students have done it before you, and thousands will do it after you.” 
And I’ve no idea why, but to this day this phrase has stuck with me. Not necessarily the last part, but the fact that thousands have done the Leaving Certificate before me. So why can’t I do it? I’m not the only one sitting the exam. I’m not the only one stressing out. I’m not the only one losing friends. I’m not the only one over thinking situations. Basically, to sum it up: I’m not alone.
And neither are you, reader.
Feel free to think of me as your virtual pen-pal if you ever need someone.

But if you’re stuck in a rut at the moment, think about how there’s so much of the world you haven’t seen yet. Yet.
Make a list of those pintrest and tumblr places you see and go there when ever you can. Just go there. 

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t decided what you want to do yet- lord knows I haven’t. But I know in, per se, ten years time down the road, twenty six version of myself won’t be the same me right now. I’m looking forward to my memories I can create. Because I want to create them. 

I want to create something.

So if you’re sad or depressed, I’m not going to be cliché and say talk to someone about your feelings- heavens knows you’ve already heard it before. But talk to someone about their greatest memories. I will personally give you a reward if you find one person whose favourite memory of all time was cramming for a test.

Because it’s all going to be irrelevant one day. But until that day comes, you need to convince yourself that you tried doing something that you hated. You tried giving it a chance. Because things like exams are inevitable. Everyone’s going to do them if they want anything out of life.

But how many people can say they rode an elephant? Or went bungee jumping? Or own a successful blog? Or bake a ten layered cake? Or created a new medicine? Or invented a new laser machine? Or saw a hot air balloon? Or met their idol? Or became an idol to someone?

A handful.
And they all did their exams and faced the facts (tee hee hee, pun) that to move on to the next level, you have to complete this one first.
Life’s a game plan.
You need to learn this information off, learn how to properly write it, and how to get it right.
And it’s up to you if you team wins, captain.

My way of life is to take nothing too seriously. I may have a “laugh it off” personality, but I can get stressed easily.

And no matter how hard it gets, BriBry will never fail to cheer me up.
It’s the only video on all of YouTube that I can actually say works for me. It’s one of my favourites for a reason. Even if you’re not sad, but made it this far, why not just give this video a view? Or share it with someone who needs it?
Sometimes, all you need is someone with experience. And maybe a look at the comments; they’re all going through the same thing as you.