In the calm

​Greeted by a wave
In a midst of a hurricane
The feelings came back
Flooding back
Light striking
Fading black
Earth shaking
Tree breaking
Feel as if the world is making
Sense
When nothing seemed real
Rawness was a type of shield
Swallowed up
Anything
Or everything
Left it blunt and dull
When all I ever wanted
Was to finally feel full

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2017 -Rolling it

2017 marks my fourth year of blogging. When I was fourteen, I never really knew what I wanted to write, or how exactly I wanted to write. I just let my blog flow. I have “rolled with it” since 2013, and that has exposed me to many awards, nominations, blog squad friends, being able to do giveaways, and opportunities such as attending film premieres and being invited to openings in my capital city. None of this happened overnight, nor did it happen close together. But it happened. And it was fun.
I’ve been debating for a while what to do with my little space of the internet, but I am at a loss.

My first thought is that my actual blog is a mess. I don’t have a niche, which means it consists of different categories ranging from absolutely anything. Because of this, I maybe wanted to start a separate blog to keep my writing separate from my personal. However, it is the personal element of having my blog that has got me countless opportunities.

My second thought is to have another blog and use eimzpink as my brain vomit page. But everything I have ever done on the internet links me to “eimzpink” and it has become such a large part of me and to think about casting that to the side creates a huge online identity crisis for me that I really couldn’t handle.

I have  definitely thought about stopping completely. I don’t think I could ever delete my page, because it has documented my writing since 2013 and I love to see my progression. But ,I have thought about deleting it. Although I’m not embarrassed of my thoughts and less developed writing, I’m not proud for it to be presented as my writing in comparison to what I could write today.

For a year I kept a schedule, which I thought weighed me down with unnecessary stress. But when I stopped, I missed the routine of writing in my life. I knew I had to write or edit something but now I know it doesn’t have to be online on time, so I have more time to work on it. But I usually don’t want to, because it will never be “good enough”. I didn’t mind posting when I knew I had to produce something. Now, I’m constantly second guessing myself.

Although I wanted this years mantra to be “rolling it” rather than “roll with it”, I don’t think I can commit to taking charge of  what will determine my life events this year.

All that aside, I wanted to recap on the past year like I usually do in one post. However, my 16 goals of last year don’t have simple “achieved” or “failed” answers. I feel like each one has a unique story and story of acknowledgement in my life this year. So, I’m going to make a separate post about that list when I can. Maybe.

However, here are my 17 things for 2017.

  1. Finish University and Graduate
  2. Travel Europe
  3. Go on holidays with my cousins
  4. Be healthier and get fitter
  5. Go back to France
  6. Visit an Irish landmark
  7. Physically write more in journals
  8. Pick up my camera a little bit more
  9. Be more trusting
  10. Say yes to something that I would be too scared to
  11. Read, watch, and listen more
  12. Get a job
  13. Begin the process of getting my driving licence
  14. Treat my parents in some way
  15. Visit friends and family more often
  16. Stop trying to portray and maintain myself in a certain way
  17. Do more of what makes me happy

2017. Please be nice.

2017

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Piggy in the Middle

I know I should be biased
But treat everyone as fair
I know I should be on their side
But their view I just don’t share

Two wrongs can’t make a right
And there’s definitely more than two
But who am I to tell them that
There’s not much I can do

I’m proud, I swear I am
Even if I can’t say it out loud
Hell, I’d shout it to the heavens
If I was ever allowed

I just can’t see their view
Or why they think they’re right
It seems so simple to me
But who’s controlling this fight?

I’ll never be able to express how I feel
Because all I feel is conflicted
I agree with them, but I don’t
Because these people are wrongly convicted

My opinion is not one many people share
Because most see black and white
I see why they’re wrong and why they’re not
I don’t think either side is right

“I did it for the lulz”

I watched Smiley tonight. It’s basically a horror movie with the “Bloody Mary” theme behind it. But what made me love it so much was because all my best friends were in it. One even directed it! Ok, maybe I lied. Maybe just because I think of them as my best friends doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m theirs….or that they even know me at all. Because I know for a fact that none of them do.
Ok, I’ll explain my night ramblings. Michael Gallagher directed Smiley. You may know him as totallysketch on YouTube. I know I do. I also know; Shane Dawson, Nikki Limo, Bree Essrig, Shanna Malcolm, Toby Turner etc. They’re all “YouTuber”‘s that I watch regularly. And to be honest, I feel like I know most of them more than I know my own sister. I’m obsessed with YouTube, these people are only a minority of the inspiring people that I watch. So, consequentially, every time I recognised someone on screen, I screamed a little. Because I’ve followed them all through casting time, and recording time and I’m just so happfor each and every one of them because I know no one deserved it more than them. Michael, you did an amazing job. The only thing that bugged me a little was the shaky cameraman in a few scenes, but BAM did I not predict that ending… Image