While everyone else is caught up in fuss of the party season, I feel like my whole family are the only ones who never seem to look forward to a new year. The last few seconds that count down a goodbye are spent waiting for you to inevitably come January. Each year, nothing gets easier. I avoid going home in January, because it is just almost too painful to see everyone. It has nothing to do with the new year, it’s just all about you January.
However, unfortunately this year was much worse. Actually January, I must tell you that I want this month to be over so badly that I’m writing this well in advance before anything else can happen.
While everyone meets up with their family the next following days to wish each other joy and exchange new healthy meal plans, our family meets on Sunday mornings to offer comfort and give meals to those who are too numb from January to do anything productive. I’ve lost track at family gatherings if we’re celebrating the year, or the lives. Some families look forward to seeing relatives home, but there’s some in my family who I have only seen in black. But like I said, I like to avoid January as much as possible.
I am lucky enough to be able to leave the bubble of home, but out of sight is never out of mind. So I like to stick to myself this month, and slowly ease into the year. Of course I have made some good memories this month, but they’ll always be under the ‘January cloud’.
I lost a tribe member this year on top of everything else, but I know that it intentionally happened in January to avoid the cloud from spreading into another month. It’s almost laughable. Almost.
I wished I could look forward to you each year January, but it is hard to celebrate when no one else around me ever is.
I’m sorry that I never look forward to you.
Of mind rambles
From my brain
Who thought it could never happen
Because her thoughts weren’t significant enough
Received with love
Despite the darkness
Lurking behind every word
Waiting for the failure of a bad post
Thoughts were gathered
Frantically edited and published
From gloomy thoughts on gloomy days
When the sun wouldn’t shine
Hesitantly thought about
Striving for the right word
But settling for a deadline
Is the excuse I gave myself
Written half asleep
Too lazy to write down
Or fully give details to
Hoping the later wouldn’t come
Creating a structure
That was desperately needed
Proving to myself
I can sometimes be interesting
After the first
Not much has changed
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