In the calm

​Greeted by a wave
In a midst of a hurricane
The feelings came back
Flooding back
Light striking
Fading black
Earth shaking
Tree breaking
Feel as if the world is making
Sense
When nothing seemed real
Rawness was a type of shield
Swallowed up
Anything
Or everything
Left it blunt and dull
When all I ever wanted
Was to finally feel full

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She

First female football player in the village
Had her hat pulled off
Revealing the long blonde hair
That she was comfortable with
Yanked it out of the hand
Putting it back on
Without missing a beat
Fresh out of school
Straight into a job
Helping people and scrubbing floors
Until she was told that’s all she’ll ever be
So she got up and quit
Booked a ticket to Australia
Without telling her father
Returned home to join the force
Meeting like minded people
Who wanted to help and have fun
Being told she was too manly for a man
Becoming an overachiever
Leaving the place with a future husband
Defying gender roles
Without denying her womanhood

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Happy Belated Birthday

I work myself up
Thinking
Overthinking
Remembering everything that happened
Or everything you did

Guilt fills me
When you pop into my mind
Over a memory we shared
Or a place we never went to

Dark days with gloomy thoughts
Are spent rehearsing my apology
For nothing that I know
But saved just in case

Every time I think I’m over you
I never thought I was
Never thinking I would reach the point
Of forgetting your birthday

An aimless trip online today
Reminds me of the date
But not of you
And my relief is almost funny

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Stepping Stones

I’m sorry
I don’t plan to be here for long
You see the world
But I can see beyond

A stepping stone to the next adventure
Is all that the island is to me
Encouraging me to leap
Crossing every land and each sea

I will always return home
But growing roots is not who I am
Gaining up my confidence
Restoring the calm

I’m sorry that I can’t explain
How I just need to be on my own
Exploring anywhere I can
Not just the stepping stone

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Wish for you

It’s funny how
I have no expectations
But my heart still stops
Only to speed up again
When I get a glimpse of you
Sparking a moment of hope
That I know will never last
No matter how long
I really want to believe it
This control over me
Is painful
So I spend my life
Wishing it away
When I really want to wish for you

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Maybe One Day

Maybe if I don’t go to sleep tonight
Tomorrow won’t come
I won’t have to think of what will happen
Despite willing what I want to happen

My fear will leave
The sun will shine
But I keep waiting
For the moments to pass

I’ll stay awake
Until I can
Staying safe
From all the things I’m thinking about

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(P.S. I accidentally published the wrong draft today lol soz email readers)