Sinking Ship

The worst kind of feeling is the sinking stomach
As if the weight of the world has crashed in
Flushed face, tensed body
Horrible
I got this feeling recently and for a split second I remembered everything that ever made me feel this way
This time I said something to someone
It wasn’t bad what I said – it was the fact I said anything at all
It wasn’t my fault I got an awful response – it wasn’t replying directly to me to be a personal hit
It was part of something much bigger that neither of us was apart of
Nevertheless on obligatory opposite sides
But it still hurt
And for that spilt second the sinking feeling hurt internally more than what the reply actually said
It’s embarrassment
It’s shame
It’s guilt
It’s humiliation
It’s over thinking
It’s everything I want to avoid
For that split second I blamed everyone else
After that I calmed myself down
It wasn’t anyone’s fault except for the person who replied to me
Who probably thinks they’re being loyal
I don’t want to dwell but I forget how naive I am
It brought me back to the 14 year old me who tried to fit in and was inevitably crushed
14 year old me learned how to filter out people who crushed me
I take this experience as a lesson
To appreciate my friends and family
If I took it negatively, they’d win

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