To be asked my dream job is my most dreaded question. It creates a churning in my stomach which feels like I shouldn’t be able to stand straight.
But I can.
Which means I have to answer.
My honest truth is that I don’t have an answer. I’ve never had an answer.
I mentioned in a previous post how a teacher asked me my dream job when I was about seven and I had no answer and her reaction was spiteful that I didn’t automatically want to be a teacher. This feeling has stayed with me any time I ever hear that question. I’m expected to have an answer, but I don’t. People aren’t okay with this. I don’t know why. Anytime I’ve ever said I don’t know what I want to be, people take it as an invitation to tell me what to do. My problem is I don’t want to settle for just one thing because I haven’t found one thing I’d like to settle with. This also apparently isn’t an accepted answer either.
Despite the fact I don’t have an accepted answer, I’ve decided to face my fears and go through my time line of aspirations.
I decided I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. I loved anything aquatic or marine like growing up. My bed room was designed like the ocean because I loved it so much. However, as I grew up I learned the words “Marine Biologist” and fell in love even more with the science of nature. Buuuut I took too many science classes and my love for the ocean faded and drifted and turned into almost hatred in regards to class tests and definitions and competition to be the best. My opinion on the sea changed when I was a bit older for a number of reasons, which I may talk about at some point. I now preferred looking at it and having total control over anything it did to me. So I didn’t pursue science to become any type of “-ologist”. I don’t know if I regret that or not.
I’ve thought about being a social worker. I had the privilege of growing up in a loving household and I liked the idea of being able to give that to someone who deserved it. I probably had a clouded vision of what a social worker was by tv shows like Tracey Beaker and Charmed. It seemed like an important job that got action done. However, when I looked into it it was much different. I talked to someone who did the course and they seemed exhausted over what they weren’t told. I talked to people who worked with social workers who told me they did more bad than good because of the “rules” they had to follow and could not make any exceptions to. It seemed grim and lengthy and not the type of rewarding I wanted from a job. I don’t think I regret not pursing this.
I’ve thought about being a career guidance teacher. Ironic, trust me I know. I liked the idea of figuring someone out and matching them to the lifestyle they desired. Yes, ironic I still know. I never had good guidance teachers in school, so I knew the different tactics I would use to the ones I was given. To teach actually never appealed to me and I have a whole post on that. So I don’t regret not following this career as I was kinda only using it as a cop out for being indecisive.
I’ve thought about being a lawyer, similar to most of my potential jobs I liked the idea of being important and in charge. Lawyers are smart and critical and cutting and tactful. I was told by a barrister that my personality would suit a lawyer, and surprisingly he wasn’t referring to legally blonde. I never looked too much into this career rather than just chatting to the few people I knew in law. There wasn’t much option for them after. That scared me.
I’ve thought about being a writer. But I know that will never be more than a thought. I don’t want to write as my career involving deadlines and word counts without freedom or full control. I’ve never let myself think too deeply about this one.
I’ve thought about being a Cryptographer. Solving codes and queries using algorithms and intelligence was one aspect of information technology that actually stood out to me. But it’s a long way to get there. Tedious and draining and something I won’t be qualified to do. There’s no demand and no support for this job that you have to be top ranking to even be considered a job. I liked the idea of hacking and working undercover for the government more than I liked the idea of studying for something as hard as this.
I’ve thought about being a Tour Guide, an Illustrator, an editor, an Analyst, a developer, a dietitian, a nutritionist, something with Irish, something that makes people happy, something that has good time off, something that lets me travel and absolute countless occupations while even deciding should I go to third level education or not. And I still don’t have an answer.
To to save both you and the stress, if you ever ask me what I want to be…. please don’t.