My mother remembers me each morning after I woke up with a dream the night before. My words would run as fast off my tongue with small gasps for breath and no punctuation even crossing my mind. I had to get absolutely everything out so I wouldn’t forget it. Ever.
As I got older, I was able to write these dreams down in a journal. This journal has been lost and found frequently constantly throughout my life. The hand writing ranges from “bed head sleepy morning” scribbles to somewhat legible words. It was one of the few times I could ever write without having to edit, or thinking while writing. My stories would write themselves.
When I got even older, I lost the habit of a pen and paper and replaced it with the notes app on my phone. Even though the letters are easy to read, I still only write buzz words that I can remember.One buzz word would wake my mind up to remember what I dreamt of and I can still practically recall each dream like it actually happened. I downloaded a dream journal app. It was quite useless but very entertaining and let my mind explore the dream world.
However, instead of listening to this app, I always had the conclusion of my own dreams in my head. It was the “things I didn’t think about thinking about” …. if that makes any sense. A sudden trail of thought or a quick word in passing that never got time to process before vanishing away again and resulted in being merged together to try and find logic in it all. I had a “eureka” moment when I thought this through. I had cracked my dream code. However, when I thought about thinking about the things I don’t think about….I didn’t have many dreams.
I still love my dream world. I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare or feared going to sleep. When I was younger I sometimes wished for bad things to happen in my dreams. Just so I could deal with it without actually having to deal with it. Experience without consequences. Possibly the same reason why I love writing. The possibilities are endless.
My dreams have always been strong. Never hazy or incomplete – unless I’ve been woken up. If I’m ever in a bad mood in the morning, it’s because I had a really good dream and can’t remember it. I never lose control of my emotions, but this is one thing that would frustrate me relentlessly. But then suddenly something small would trigger throughout the day and I need to grab the nearest thing I can save my thoughts with.
I’ve never had the same dream twice and I’ve only lucid ‘dream-ed’ twice before and I only ever not dream when I’m overtired. The first lucid dream was when I was on some sort of preoccupied task and I saw a celebrity and had to stop my running to awe at. I felt like I had stumbled on set of a movie and everyone had to restart their jobs. It was a weird feeling.
The only reoccurring theme in my dreams is that I’m almost always on a mission of some sort. There always seems to be a “mansion” too, but I’m pretty sure the cause of this one is simple. I’m lazy and save most of my dreams on my phone- since I’ve never labeled the file it labeled itself by its first sentence. My first dream I recorded digitally was “big mansion running” and so on. Therefore any morning I go to type a new dream, this is what I first see. So this is what I’m constantly exposed to and processing.
For my 19th birthday, my housemates got me a giant unicorn dream catcher. I have a small portable one given to me from a lovely friend, and I have a smaller one which was a present. I don’t know if I believe in dream catchers, but they’re pretty and if they make people calm and secure then I definitely believe they’re a success!
“You have to dream before your dreams can come true”
-A. P. J. Abdul Kalam