For a moment

When I was seven I decided I wanted to get rid of my pony pink walls in exchange for the soothing sea blue
I compensated for sand with cream carpets
Decorated with sea shell wind chimes and sea horse mobiles
I slept with a blue rotating aquarium, which lit up my room along with the help of glow in the dark dolphins

I knew how horrible being landlocked was
Even back then
I never minded that blue was a boys colour
Or so my classmates told me

The Little Mermaid was always my film of choice
The second one was much more relatable
Wanting to be a part of the sea with no love interest involved
My family got bored of it pretty fast

I watched TV shows about mermaids and sea creatures
And lost myself in my imagination that one day I’ll grow a tail
I even had my excuses and undercover story all worked out
You know, just in case
My sister had a habit of crushing my dreams

I refused to step foot in an artificial pool even if it was compulsory for us to partake in a six week course at the age of twelve
I was called scared
Because they didn’t think I knew
But I knew how to swim against the current and had record time for holding my breath
Little did they know I didn’t feel free
So I faked an illness to chlorine

I bought my very own wetsuit, which wasn’t just handed down
And begged my father to bring me to the beach whenever he was going
Even if it was in the middle of November
In the pouring rain
There was never a question of whom I got my love of the sea off

I could swim and kayak for endless hours and never feel the cold
The indescribable feeling of being thrown around and upside down
Taught me a lesson that had a double meaning

Always search for the light
Where there is light there is sun
And where there is sun there is air

There was only one time when I forgot that rule
Which was the only one time I remember feeling scared

But envy is all I feel now when I look out at the people in the river on their familiar colourful boats
I miss it
But I’ll never do it again
Part of me can’t help but hesitate when I walk by the advertising club poster
Then logic steps in
And my mind steps back
To the times where I tried to find the light
Instead of pointlessly inhaling

Eleven years later and I still can’t fall asleep in silence
The blue light comes out to console me sometimes when I need it most
And my heart bleeds for the place where I feel inspired

Eleven years later and my house is called after my home
Which has such a greater meaning than anyone could ever understand

My walls won’t have to imitate the sea because I’ll never be too far
Movies won’t be my only reminder of the haven I miss
Chlorine will never have to be inhaled instead of salt
A four hour car journey won’t have to be taken to feel the sand between my toes
Ocean sounds won’t have to be played from my laptop speakers
One day when I look out, there will be an infinite horizon instead of one lit by artificial lights

#18670 neg 40


16 thoughts on “For a moment

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I’m so glad children today are being educated in gender equality! Gawd knows I would have loved my classmates to know that at that age! ❤

  1. Such a beautiful post. I can relate to so much of it. My room was also painted blue as a little girl to remind me of the ocean which brought a sense of calm and peacefulness.

  2. Hi eimzpink. The sound and smell of the sea on an empty sandy beach. I find is so relaxing and to dream of living by the sea. Thank you for liking my poem Released! so nice to hear from you again. Peace and Best wishes. The Foureyed Poet.

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