I don’t know if you’re well or not because we’ve gotten into the habit of ignoring each others social medias. I was looking through mine to a year ago, only a year, and thinking about how much has changed. It happened just over a year ago. Around the orals, which were already horrible enough. A toxic relationship wasn’t needed. Yet, there it was. Not that it ever mattered to you if something didn’t suit me.
The thing we never got was closure. There was no final farewell. There was passive aggressive messages and others caught up in the middle. I never wanted them to pick sides. Just another difference between us.
There was so many things I never got to say, and so many things you said that I’ve heard from others. You could never handle confrontation. Yet you loved the drama. Warning bells about you should have rang in my head a long time ago.
It stung when you had your first family reunion without me being your plus one. After five years I bet you had to answer some awkward questions too. But I saw photos. And it did sting. Especially since I wasn’t meant to care.
I haven’t been meaning to care for a while. But here you are. A year later and still the full attention.
So much has changed and so much I’ve wanted to share with you. But every time a thought came into my head it was always you who I wanted to tell. Because that’s who it has been for the past five years.
I’ve tried to reach out to you so many times. To forgive and forget the nonsense that you have brainwashed yourself into thinking what was going on. A year later and I’m still reaching when I really shouldn’t be.
Last time I met you you were drunk. The next day your leg was broken. The next week you made their lives hell. The month after you had dropped out of school. And blamed me for each one.
Yet here I am. Three hours away thinking about the good times because we all know nostalgias a bitch. When looking back you only remember the good times because they cloud the bad ones. So I think about us in that field rather than that day in town, or the day in your attic rather than the day in my tent. And so on.
I’m ashamed of what you told your parents. I’m more ashamed they believed you.
So congratulations. You’re still the centre of attention. You’re still the drama attractor. You’re still the one with all the focus. You’re still the one with the loudest cry. You’re still the one who they all believe. You’re still the one they take pity on.
You’re still you.
And You has changed.
All my affection,