This statement may seem bold, but it is true. (In my experience it is)
Because no one will ever understand.
A relationship bond is different from a friendship.
A relationship includes love, lust, happiness and balance
A friendship can be anything
All friendships are unique. We are all different people in front of others. The way we interact with our friends, is far from the way we’d interact with our parents.
But friendships are more common than relationships.
You can have hundreds of friends, but you can only really have one lover.
Which is why it’s harder when a friendship breaks up than a relationship.
People have sympathy for losing a lover. It’s almost expect for both parties to spend the next month crying over what could have been.
But with a friendship, you can’t do that.
People don’t understand that bond.
In reality, broken friendships should be cried over most.
I lost a really good friend recently, which is the inspiration for this I suppose, and I’ve noticed a few things. People don’t have sympathy.
Friendships seem so common that people think that losing one is nothing.
I love ALL of my friends, but I had known this particular friend for 5 years of my life. Five years we’ve spent side by side, and then one day she decided I was too controlling for her.
Everyone has told me I can do much better. And I know that. I know that the friendship was toxic for me. But five years had to mean something, right?
I want to scream, I want to shout, I want her to tell me what I actually did to make her so angry at me.
But I also want to cry. To cuddle up and eat ice cream for days. To call her and apologise for things that I never did.
But I’ve done that far too many times for it to be even healthy.
I decided this time I wasn’t going to make the first mood to fix it.
Two months later I’ve not heard a word from her.
Two months of no communication.
I have friends who cannot believe I’m still wasting my time on her.
But no one understands.
This is the girl I met in first year on the first day. The girl I’ve shared priceless memories with. The girl who never minded if I randomly showed up to her house. The girl who’s parents love me. The girl who I’ve shared my embarrassing stories with. The girl who has lived those embarrassing stories with. Five years worth of stories. The girl who never made me feel isolated for my interest in anything which was not mainstream. The girl who wasn’t ashamed to shout from rooftops that I was her best friend. The girl who was my best friend.
The girl who would still be my best friend, if she replied to me.
But in most relationships, we only reminisce the good times.
This is the same girl who was toxic to me. The girl who only used me as her second choice. The girl who made me feel like a third wheel. The girl who criticised things about me that I could never change. The girl who abused my niceness and generosity. The girl who used me to get to know other people. The girl who would never let me tell her my problems, because we were always too busy dealing with hers. The girl who made me feel abnormal because I knew random trivia facts. The girl who changed once we got split up into different years.
She’s the girl I need to say goodbye to, because if she can’t make the effort anymore, why should I?
She’s the girl who I’ll always remember because she was with me through all the important parts of my life growing up.
She’s the girl who has shaped me into the person I am.
She’s the girl who I’ll miss the most.
She’s the girl who knows me well enough that even in ten years time if she called me with a problem, I’d never hesitate to help her.