So you’ve had a mental breakdown….

Image 

Yup. Samesies. 

Alright, so since I don’t know any of you in real life, I feel it’s safe to tell you all that I had a complete mental breakdown yesterday in school. 
Still not too sure what it was over. 
Maybe exams. Maybe not. 

But yeah. . . I was a sobbing, blubbering mess. 

It started off a normal day. Normal Friday. Well, kind of. We had a green day in aid of something, where students got to wear green accessories. That was kind of abnormal. But still, it was a pretty normal Friday. 
Previously, I had booked an appointment with the schools guidance councillor / careers advisor / geography teacher. It was meant to be just a casual talk about my back ups next year. 

Hah. 

How wrong I was. 

I think I lasted about. . . not even ten minutes before I burst into tears. 
It was just normal conversation and questions about next year and suddenly I felt very under pressure and under the spot and overwhelmed and I just cried. 

My teacher was ah-maze-zing. Like, seriously, she couldn’t of handled me any better. We tried to figure out why I couldn’t stop, but we couldn’t, so she just let me miss the next class. She had class herself, so she told me I can stay in her room and go on her laptop if I wanted to. I didn’t, but it was kind of her to let me. I tried to compose myself enough for the next class. It didn’t happen. I was still red faced and eyeliner stained. Literally, I haven’t worn eyeliner in like a week and I choose that day to re start…. *claps for oneself* 
I stared at the walls in that room for so long I’m 100% convinced I could recite what each wall said. 
She came back and comforted me again and told me I could stay as long as I could, but I admitted to her that all I wanted to do was to go home. I felt so bad for her though because she thought she had upset me and I tried to convince her otherwise, but I wasn’t really in a state of being abled to.

So I had to compose myself enough to collect my books I had left in my English class. My English teacher would be quite strict, but fair. I respect her so much as a teacher, and my class are currently the highest ranked in the school because of her. Anyway, I knocked on her door and she had a junior class taking notes off the board. I don’t think I was ever happier that the lights weren’t on. My face was still black and red. The first thing she asked me was “Are you alright?” and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much concern in her face before. I “convinced” her I was, as much as I could anyway. She quickly filled me in on what I missed in the class and told me more pointers about the essay and then proceeded to tell me that the essay we were preparing for wasn’t due for next Tuesday. And she emphasised that it would be impossible and stupid to have it completed for Tuesday. I thanked her, and collected my books, and walked the empty halls again back to the little room where I originally had cried my eyes out. 

My careers guidance councillor asked me did I want her to ring my parents. I hesitated, but agreed. Like, what could I have said to them? “Sorry Mam, I’m crying a lot, will you collect me?” Of course not! Even I wouldn’t have believed me. So she rang and they talked a bit and my mum said that they’ll be in to collect me. By now it was lunch time, so I didn’t want to venture to my locker room. I lingered around our office for a bit and waited to be collected. 

My dad came and signed me out. It was the first time I had seen him in two weeks. He didn’t entirely understand what was going on. Neither could I, to be honest. But I cried in his car. It was probably the first time he’s seen me cry in a good few years. 

I came home, and mum made me tea and I tried to tell her what happened. I still had no idea. By now I had received a few text messages from my friends about my whereabouts. I told them I was fine. 

But eventually the tears stopped. 

I’ll probably actually be fine soon. 

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12 thoughts on “So you’ve had a mental breakdown….

  1. OHHH!!! Don’t cry! Don’t cry! Blue skies!
    I know the feeling (ish) because..well, OK actually there’s a difference. I don’t..i don’t cry. But otherwise, when I read the picture above, and then read your post, I wanted to reach into the screen and give you a virtual pat/hug/chocolate bar. Take each day as it comes, and I can only wish the best for you. 🙂 🙂

    1. Omg you’re too sweet!!!
      And I’ve never cried in front of ANYONE in like 10 years before yesterday! And I’ll accept all three- pat, hug, and chocolate bar 😉
      You’re actually so lovely and I feel so loved! Thank you 🙂 xo

  2. I was in that state this time last year. In late January, I almost cut myself and got sent home. (Just to verify I am not that depressed to do that in the usual sense) In March, I got suspended from school for instructing my maths teacher to not be such a bitch. My vice principal wouldn’t leave me alone for that time. Shit gets a lot better after Leaving Cert. All the bitchy teachers are gone, you get control of your own life, and the best part: it’s not the Leaving Cert. One more tip: if you feel stressed in class, “go to the bathroom”. Worked every time.

      1. You’re welcome. I wish I learned it sooner. Anyway nobody cares about your LC points except in your CV. And even so that’s not the most important part.

  3. i know exactly how it feels to be like this, i often get this sudden urge to cry even when not something specific happens, i just feel so overwhelmed so yeah i wanted to let you know it’s not just you and now i know it’s not just me. and i’m sure you’re going to do just fine at your exams 🙂 ps: i’m addicted to your blog

  4. Awww I’m so sorry you felt like that! I know how stressful school can be but please don’t feel you’re alone! Talk to someone whenever you feel upset, it’s good to let these things out! I hope you feel better xx

    1. Thank you soo much 🙂 My guidence teacher was ah-maz-zing and so are my friends, so I got over it fairly fast :p it was just weird how unexpected it was… 😀 xo

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