Why can’t I have a bad day in Peace?

“You’re always the positive one.” The first thing I hear after moaning and groaning about not getting up out of bed,
It’s true. I am always the positive one. I’m the ‘go to’ person people have if they’re feeling kind of suckish. I always smile, I always laugh, and I’m always happy. But when I choose a day where I want to brood, and lie on my bed, and not make contact with the outside world, why can’t I? Why do I always have to be your rock and not get anything in return. I always have to make you happy when it feels like but the only thing you can say to me is “why are you acting strange.” Is it wrong that I’m feeling sad. Correction, sad wouldn’t be the right word. Confused. Torn. Scared. Frightened. Dreading. Not prepared. Not ready. Not me. But who am I? I have this false face with smiles to greet anyone around me. But in actuality, no one has met the real me. And who is the real me? This blogger here up til 3am wallowing in self pity. I heard a quote that went something like ‘you’ve never known a person until you stayed up all night just for them.’
But the funny thing is, when someone around me is sad, I do everything in my power to make sure it’s my responsibility to make them better. Yet when the tides are turned, people just leave me alone. Obviously that’s what I want when I’m in a bad mood. I don’t want to burden people. I don’t want them to see me sad. I don’t want them to see me weak. Yet, how bad would it be to just get a smile off someone and say it’s ok. That they’re trying to understand. That I’m not alone. Sound familiar? That’s why the internet exists. I can sit here past midnight typing on my keyboard knowing that someone out there is feeling the exact same way as me. That some actually does understand. You may be reading this, in fact it may be you. Ever feel like you were alone in a crowded room?
And do you know what the worst part is? I don’t even know why I’m in a bad mood. I’ve nothing to be sad about. It’s summer. My friends just stayed over. I have a loving family. A funny pet dog. My sister passed all her exams. I’m next to a food cupboard. It’s father day (well it was when I started writing this.) And I could go on.
Yet where are these tears coming from?

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