I feel happy. Scratch that, I felt happy. I had finally felt good after a month of moving and new surroundings and new friends and I come home for one weekend and I feel like I’ve attracted the sadness. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world, and I can’t wait to get back to Galway to escape that. . . and that’s such a horrible feeling to have.

I don’t tell my feelings to just anyone. I’m not an open book. Ironic in a way, as this blog exists. But it’s true. I play the role of the always happy one because I feel guilty if I’m feeling a bit sad, because there’s so many people I know with genuine feelings to have. And I can’t help them. They tell me their problems, and I can’t do anything in my power to help them.

It sucks.

If it’s friend problems, I can help fix that. If it’s relationship problems, I can fix that. If it’s someone who has failed a test, I can help fix that. I can’t help fix when someone’s close relative is ill. I can’t even think in that mind frame. Yet that’s one of the situations I’m in.

It sucks.

And it’s funny, I’m somehow getting attacked. . . ish. . . and I can’t be mad. Some people get angry at the people around them when they’re sad. I’m not one of these people. But I’ve been the “victim” many times, just because I’m there listening. But I know I can never get angry at this person, and the attack isn’t aimed at me. It’s just that I so happen to be there.

It sucks.

Why can’t everyone be happy? The thing I learnt when I left school, is that problems got bigger. I was always the approachable person in school if anything ever went wrong. I was the first person to go to when someone needed help. Because back then I could help. Those were situations which I could deal with. But now? Now I feel helpless because people bring me these problems, and the only thing I can offer is a cup of tea.

It sucks.

Sure, tea is comforting. But it doesn’t help anything. It might calm the person down a bit, but the persons problems don’t go away. Nothing can. I’m just left in a mud pit of many problems. Many of which are “don’t tell anyone else”. So they can share, and I can’t. Which means I get a lot of problems, because people don’t realise that there’s someone else who’s also pouring their heart and soul out to me. So I feel like I’m just in a helpless pit of nothingness, waiting for solutions. Solutions to someone else’s problems.

And you know what sucks the most? The fact that none of the problems I have are mine. Which just makes me feel more guilt.

The Liebster Award!

I’m ashamed to say that I have been nominated for this before, and just never got around to it… whoops..
This is the Liebster Award. It’s basically like those chain letters that circulated as preteens. Lol, remember them?
ANYWAY, the word “liebster” has several definitions: dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, sweetheart yeah you get the point.

Here are the official rules.

1. thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your own computer and then upload it to your blog post.)

3. answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. provide 11 random facts about yourself.

5. nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can always ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display a widget that lets the readers know this information!)

6. create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

7. list these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.) Once you have written and published it, you then have to:

8. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!) 

So here we go!

1. I’d like to thank for this lovely nomination! From having a little nosey around her blog, it seems very interesting and entertaining and you should check it out! <3 Much love m’dearest!

2. Meh, I’ll do this later.

3. My questions:

  1. Do you have a middle name? State it. Marie given at birth, Claire chosen at confirmation.
  2. Favourite drink and why. Tea. There is no why about it. ;)
  3. Coke or pepsi. I’m going to be a boring toad here and say neither. But if I had to choose- coke, duh.
  4. If you could change your name what would it be? Something that people outside of Ireland could pronouce! Otherwise than that, I’m quite fond of my name.
  5. Favourite social media site. Can I not say all of them? No? Hah! YouTube or Tumblr I’d say.
  6. Least favourite day of the week. Tuesdays were never that fun for me to be honest.
  7. Favourite tv show right now. Currently watching the simpsons daily with my new flatmates. Does that count? I don’t really watch tv anymore, to be honest.
  8. Favourite person in the world. It’s way too hard to only choose one. My parents, my friends, my family.
  9. When you were a child did you leave Santa milk and cookies? Hell yeah! And a carrot for Rudolph!
  10. Religious? I don’t know whether ‘religious’ is the right word, but I definitely have faith.
  11. Honest opinion on dandelions. This is a subject which is close to my heart. I feel like dandelions have always been apart of my way of living. I can’t bear to think of my life without them. *pause for dramatics*. The depletion of dandelions is an outrage on the eaths behalf.
    Nah I’m just kidding. We called them ‘pissey beds’ because legend has it if you touched the yellow flower, you’d wet your bed.


  1. I’m seventeen and in university because I skipped fourth year in secondary school.
  2. I had ‘emergency glitter’ in my pencil case for all of my secondary school experience.
  3. I love snapchat. Like so much. I could snap people all day it’s so fun.
  4. I have a lot of love for Sweden.
  5. I have the same birthday as the Queen.
  6. I’ve been in my pyjamas since I finished college today at 3.
  7. I’m probably having pot noodle for dinner.
  8. I love sandwiches. I would prefer sandwiches to like a dinner.
  9. I have a great love for the sea and stars!
  10. I love my dog so much like ugh she’s my life.

5. I nominate: In no particular order whatsoever because I love you all!: Because there are many perks about being a procrastinator! A very relatable blogger!  I’ve always loved your blog! My personal bestie on wordpress ;D Uhm, how awesome is that name? My love! <3 Love love love!  Basically my honorary big sister on wordpress! One of my newest blogging friends :) One of my oldest blogging friends ;) Well worth a read :D

6. Your questions! 

  1. What’s your favourite thing about Ireland? ;) 
  2. On a scale of one to twelve, how much do you love glitter? 
  3. Who made your last smile happen? 
  4. What is an experience you’d love to live again, and recommend for anyone to do? 
  5. Weirdest thing you’ve ever bought? 
  6. Favourite childhood movie? 
  7. A weird tradition you/your country has?
  8. Would you kiss your first crush today? 
  9. Your ‘go-to’ meal when you’re making/cooking dinner?
  10. What’s your goal in life? 
  11. Why did you start blogging?

7. Woo rules.

8. Done and dusted!

To those who choose to except, I hope you have fun! :D

Word Vomit

The last time we met, I was confused about my future and starting University. Nothing much has changed, except for the fact that I actually started University. Gawd, that still sounds weird two whole weeks later. Since when am I a university student?
Since I started, my mind has been very conflicting. The first week starting was one of the most confusing weeks of my life. I had moved ‘out’ and went home that weekend. Never in my life have I felt so. . . so. . .confused. I had a totally identity crisis. “Where is my home?” was the main question which was always on my mind. I didn’t live at my childhood house any more, even though I tried to convince myself differently. I officially lived three hours away. Not even permanently, only until next May. Then what? Where do I go from there?
I’ve been ‘home’ every weekend. My parents joke that it’s like I never left. In my mind, that translates to how of much of a burden I am on them. I know this isn’t true. But, I can’t shake that feeling that I am stopping their lives because I’m too scared to move on with my own.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with Galway. My flatmates are lovely. Anyone who I’ve talked to in my lectures are lovely. My sister is supportive. I’m able to find my way around. I had fun going shopping. Yet it still feels so surreal.

To be trapped is the feeling of no escape. I feel trapped, but I don’t know what I’m trying to escape from.

It’s been a big move. Some of my close friends have also made this big move, and others have one year left to do it.
I’m just confused I guess. I don’t know what I want. And that itself is simply terrifying. Isn’t this the point in my life where I realise that “Hey, I want to be a–.” Everyone around me seems so sure what they want to do. Yet I’m just floating.
There’s nothing wrong with my course. It’s broad, it’s not too intense, I can do loads from it. I can travel. I can do another degree. The possibilites are endless.
But the repeated phrase I use in my head is that there’s nothing wrong. But there’s a huge difference in ‘not wrong’ and ‘right’.
I don’t know what I want to achieve out of this post. Everyone’s telling me to lighten up and enjoy life. But at the moment, I’m far too scared to.
I dread thinking about it. I dread the end of the weekends. I dread not seeing my friends 24/7. I dread losing touch with them. I dread it being my fault. I dread being a burden on my family. I dread not having a life plan. I dread having to decide a life plan.
I know it’s only the first month of college, and obviously I’m not meant to be 100% sure what I want to do afterwards. But I’m not used to going plan-less. My wardrobe is more organised than my life right now.

I’m stuck. I’m trapped. I’m conflicted. I’m scared. I’ve creators block.
Yet I’m so good at hiding it all.

This is word vomit at the moment, and I know that no one’s too interested in it. I just need to vent sometimes, and where else to do it but a public site, I guess?

NUI Galway- Come at me bro!

My summer has been so hectic this year, I haven’t even had time to process the fact that it’s almost over. 
Results day has come and gone, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I didn’t get my first choice of University. However, as much as I had convinced myself that I was heading East to Dublin, it never actually seemed real. I wasn’t the type of student who had their heart set on a certain course, I just chose it simply because I didn’t dislike it. I didn’t fall in love with the course, or the campus, or the area. Nevertheless, I was slightly disappointed when results day came, because I knew I didn’t get Dublin. However, I was soon on a plane and flying to Spain so I didn’t really get time to think about not getting it. By disappointed, I mean I realised that I wasn’t disappointed at myself for not getting the course. I was disappointed to admit that the course I’ve been reciting off to people since Easter just wasn’t going to happen. I was disappointed for others reactions. . . not my own. I was disappointed that I would have to change my story. 

“So what course did you get?”
“I’m going to Galway!”
“I thought you wanted Dublin?”

This was the conversation I was dreading. And I was so wrapped up in my thoughts of how to explain to other people that I didn’t get Dublin that I forgot to explain to myself that in literally a week I was going to university. It was always a phrase that was tossed in the air- “This time next year we’ll be in college!” But I never thought the day would actually come where I only return home for holidays. Three of my cousins and my sister all repeated their last year in Secondary school because they didn’t get their desired choice. So in my mind, this was what I was going to end up doing. But, I got my points needed, so there was no need to repeat. This is a good thing by the way, to anyone who is not familiar with the Irish education system. 

I’m scared. There’s no doubt about that. I’m officially leaving my home- and officially leaving my comfort zone. All my plans had been thrown out the window and rearranged in the short space of a week. But as of today, I am a registered Arts student in the National University of Ireland, Galway. 

So c’mon Uni, do your worst! 


My Debutant Ball Hairstyle



On the 11th of August, I had my end of school ball. (We call it debs, but it’s basically prom). Over all it was such a brilliant night, which I will definitely write in detail about. This photo is what my hair looked like, and I was so in love with it! It literally looks like the curls on tumblr or pintrest. 

As a general update, sorry I have not been posting more frequently. In the past four weeks I’ve been on three planes, five 4 hour car journeys, three 3 hour journeys, had my debs and received my Leaving Cert results today. It looks like I’m heading to Galway this September. Wish me luck for my college offers next week! Even if I will be in Spain getting them, I shall try to post more! This is definitely one hectic summer, I can say that much alright! 

Let’s talk about. . . make up!

Recently, I was nominated for the Irish Blog Awards, 2014 (*insert cheering noises here*). Being the person that I am, I looked at each of my competition (ok…that sounds very serious! Oops) and realised that a good majority of them were fashion and beauty blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I know these bloggers work just as hard as I do on my blog! They were all just very similar. As a rule of the internet, is there’s a lot of popularity for blogs and youtube channels dedicated to fashion and makeup. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought, ‘was I wrong for not having the interest in something which a lot of my category had?’ I’d never pretend to know more about any part of beauty just to gain a few extra followers, but if there’s such an interest in it, shouldn’t I be interested in it too? And the more I thought about this, the stupider I was, because blogging should always be about a person passions. And beauty isn’t mine. 

It’s not like I’m opposed to fashion and beauty. I just don’t know much about it. Lord knows that I wear make up, and try to look as good as I can in clothes. I just know I’m not the right person to suggest beauty tips to. Some girls are exposed to the fashion industry at a young age. I was not one of these. I was always a “girly girl” when I was younger, but my mother or my older sister were not. Therefore, I had to discover the world of beauty on my own. I always loved nail polish though. I had a ginormous collection for as long as my parents can remember! My mum was the typical tomboy growing up. She was the only female on the football team for five years, and she cut her hair as short as she could as soon as she was allowed to. My sister just never had an interest. But there was a big difference in the two of them. My sister looked down on her own peers who wore make up. To her it symbolised the opposite of intelligence and degraded anyone who wore it in their daily life. However, as soon as my mum saw I had an interest, she tried to help me as best as she could. She helped buy me make up from recommendations she went to the trouble to ask for. After that, I was on my own.

I started to wear make up when I was about 14. I still remember buying my first mascara. It was for sports day in my school, as we got to dress up every year and that year we chose to be “rockers”. I was so proud of my little tubey thing of mascara. From there, my collection grew. My cousins gave me some products, and I started to get the courage to buy my own. I always felt so nervous going into a make up shop. I felt like I was getting judged all the time. I felt like I wasn’t educated enough to actually be allowed to buy my own products! Now, I’d just saunter in with not a care in the world! It took me a lot of years to not be embarrassed about wearing make up. It also took me a lot of YouTube videos!

The first time I bought liquid eyeliner, my sister told me I bought the wrong one. I refused to believe her and bought it anyway. The first time I tried to put it on, I cried because I couldn’t do it properly. I felt like an impostor of a girl because I couldn’t do a simple straight line on my eyelid. So I just cried. Eventually, after many nights of intense practice, my lines got less wobbly. And I know now that eyeliner isn’t exactly the easiest thing to apply! I just wish someone had told me that the first time I tried it on. It would have made me feel less like a failure, and more confident to do it again. 

I’ve only started to wear full foundation this year. Previously, I had just worn concealer or BB cream, but this year I took the leap and bought myself foundation! Even at 17, I felt embarrassed to buy it! But I now know that no one really cares what you buy, never mind judging you for it! My skin (thankfully) is not covered in spots daily, and is neither too oily or dry. So I’m pretty lucky and grateful for that! 

As for lips, I’m still venturing into that department! I usually wear something which is the exact same colour as my lips, so I’m not too adventurous there yet! Maybe one day I’ll have the courage! 

One thing I did learn from looking at all the other talented beauty blogs is that everyones style is unique. Which is an amazing message that each blog is giving out to young naive girls, just like me. 

Taizé! June 29th – July 6th 2014!

Hi friends! This is a very long and rambling post about my experience in Taizé, France, this summer, 2014. If you prefer videos, please check this one out! I hope you enjoy if you actually read it all! :D 

An experience I will never forget is that of Taizé. I’m not just saying that. Trust me, I’d be the most honest person to talk about my opinion. I, for one, was originally dreading ‘Christian camp’. How wrong I was. My aunt had tried to get anyone in my family to go to Taizé for YEARS. None of my older cousins ever wanted to, and looked at me like I had three heads when I told them I was going. Apparently I was “taking one for the team” by agreeing to go with my aunt to pray ten times a day and scrub the toilet for the rest of the day. I didn’t go alone, obviously. I brought my friend with me. So herself, myself, my aunt and about 20 others set off to the airport to Taizé on Sunday morning.

We checked in and mingled a little bit with the people we were travelling with. We had previously briefly met them at a talk about Taize about two weeks previously. Otherwise than that we were just on our own. The plane over was fun. My friend (K) and I were sitting together, and we basically laughed the whole way to France! We arrived in Lyon airport and collected our baggage (mine was last) and followed a bus driver to her bus. We sat down the back with two brothers, and three girls. K was super sleepy so I chit chatted with the others while she slept. We arrived to Taize and two very good looking Swedish boys came to greet one of the boys in our group. It was the beginning of a great week. 

We dragged our suitcases to a room where we got introduced to the village and received our jobs. K and I had to clean the infirmary each day at ten. We were also told our times of bible group study. After this, my aunt sorted us all into rooms. Following a map, I managed to lead my whole bedroom to a sign that said “Leaving Taize”! We actually found our room after that and I claimed a bottom bunk bed. K claimed the bed over me. My aunt came around to sort us all out and told us about evening prayer happening. Some of the girls were too tired to go, but K and I went. It was completely different to what I was expecting. Everyone was sitting on the floor and just singing. No prayers, no lectures, no ceremonies. Just beautiful harmonious singing. My butt did hurt afterwards though from sitting so long! After prayer, we headed down to the Oyak. This is a tiny shop which has tables, tents and fairy lights surrounding it where people can meet.

Don’t ask me how, because to this day I still have no idea how K and I ended up playing “the foot game” with about 10 good looking Swedish boys. One of those amazing happenings I guess. We also played “ninja”, “samauri” and something about a bus. It was quite funny though. At half eleven, the Oyak closes and Taizé turns into a completely quiet village where we are meant to sleep until the next morning. But for some reason K and I decided to follow these strange Swedish boys into the dark side entrance of the church. It seemed harmless at the time, but looking back it sounds so dodgy. At the church more songs were sang between a smaller group of people. At about half one in the morning K and myself, along with two of our friends walked back to our room. We laughed the whole way home about how weird our night was. Our roommates were still up, and had no idea where we were. It was the beginning of an amazing week. 

K and I got up nice and early at 7am for showers. And let me tell you, being in a common bathroom with tanned Europeans can really lower a pale and freckley Irishs self esteem! We headed to morning prayer, which was the same as evening except we received holy communion. Breakfast was served afterwards. Every morning it was a bread roll, butter, two chocolate sticks and a bowl of hot chocolate.

Image from 

Our work started at 10am with a scary little nun. In the infirmary, we had to clean three bedrooms, wash the sinks, wipe the chairs and shelves, mop the floors and change the bins. It sounds long, but eventually we got the hang of things and were finished most days in forty minutes. K and I were usually finished earlier than everyone else, so we mostly strolled around for a bit before meeting up with others.

The Swedish boys invited us to play more games and we met a group of English girls who soon became our amazing friends. We ate lunch together. Lunch was my least favourite meal of the day. It was never as nice. I usually only ate the fruit given. We would form circles when we all stood around talking which would either turn into history lessons, or games. Either option was loads of fun. At 3 o clock, we sat in an hour long lecture about I-forget-what and we got sorted into smaller groups. An Irish girl who we made great friends with and myself were put together in a group with two Germans, two French and two Sweeds. They were all such lovely people, even if we did have nothing in common with them! We usually had tea in our little groups before meeting back with our friends. Tea was bowls of sweet tea and a little pastry. It was cute. Personally I didn’t like the tea, but I know a lot of people who would drink five bowls of it! I think I’ll stick to my Barry’s! We would have about two hours before dinner. The Oyak briefly opened for this time so we usually played more games down there.

One day we had a giant game of frisbee. It started off with a few of us clumsy, no eye coordination Irish and a few of the Swedish lads we knew who were quite good at the game. They mainly just laughed at K and myself trying to catch the frisbee in some way. We usually always failed. But then a couple of Germans wanted to join us. They were gorgeous, of course we said yes. But it was such a hot day. As Irish natives, we were not used to sun. Or frisbees as it’s usually too windy in Ireland to play. HOWEVER, all the Swedes and all the Germans effortlessly caught the frisbee with one hand and the other hand in the pocket and passed it on again whilst K and I lost all of our dignity by attempting to play. At one point we both just watched as the frisbee flew past us as we thought the other would go get it. We were wrong. It was hilarious. We were pretty awful, but we made good friends! Speaking of that frisbee, it got stuck on the top of one of the rooms and the lads had to lift each other up to go and get it back. It was a victorious day!

Dinner was served at seven and we always queued in the last row because that’s where the cutest Swedish boys were. Oh Christian camp priorities! Evening prayer was after this, and after that everyone headed to the Oyak. Besides from playing games, there would be musicians playing their instruments, shops open, and other various activities happening. We mainly just started all the games and all the sing songs. Everyone loved us Irish by the time we left! And of course we were the REAL Irish there.

There was a group of students from Northern Ireland who weren’t the nicest bunch of people. They had aftersun though, so we befriended them. There was like three that I would tolerate talking to again. Their leaders were really strict. They always had to be in groups of 3, they had to earn privileges, and got isolated from everyone if they disobeyed any rules. Originally we felt sorry for them and their matching GAA jerseys, but by the end of the week we purposely got them isolated because they annoyed us so much! There was one time that basically they stole ball from a girl I knew, and wouldnt give it back to her. So I, being the stubborn head of the group, went over and asked for it back. However, the two guys I asked just laughed and kicked it to the others, so I went over to the others and asked for it back and they didn’t say anything so one of the Nordies from the first group was like “she’z noh tew impressed wit cha” and I was like “No, I’m not. Can I have the ball back?” so the boy with the ball tried to kick it away but I just put my foot on it to stop it, which was when a guy like a foot smaller than me with braces said “yur gonna hav ta tackle meh four it” and I was like “Hah, good one” and handed the ball back to my friend. I’ve said it many times, but Northern Irish aren’t Irish.

The group of Swedish boys were most definitely our closest friends for the week. One of the boys from our group met them all last year, and when they greeted him at the bus stop, we were all amazed about how gorgeous they were. As K said, “It’s going to be a good week.” The first night down at the Oyak, we got properly introduced to them. It was even one of their birthdays. They invited us to play many games, and it was a brilliant night. We usually spent most of our day with them. A lot of our conversation topics would be about the differences in our cultures. All students in Sweden get PAID to go to school. How unfair is that? “Potatis” is potatoes in Swedish. Some cow licked a rock and the universe was created. The literal translation for “Under the sea” is “The ocean is deep”. Seven is the hardest word to pronounce in Swedish, but fem is quite easy. My friend had a romance with one of the Sweeds, so saying goodbye was harder for her than expected. I spent my last day comforting her all the way home. We were both so emotional, but she literally couldn’t stop crying. Unfortunately the other Swedish had girlfriends, so no more romances happened for the rest of us! But I have to say, they were all such flirts! And they didn’t even have to try! I seem to be talking about only boys here, and that’s because none of the Swedish girls talked to us for the week except one! She was so lovely, so maybe there are other nice Swedish girls out there! Haha! Well whatever their reason was, they didn’t like us anyway! The boys definitely made our week so much better than expected, and I know I’ll always thank them for that. 

The other group we got along with so well, were a group of English girls! Although we mainly bonded with two of them, their whole school group was so lovely and friendly. On our last day of bible group, I left my own group to go play games with all of them and my Irish friends. (Don’t worry, I didn’t just abandon my group! It was all sorted out!) The majority of our time spent with them was in the evening playing games and making more friends. One of our two new best friends claimed the boys in Taize by claiming they were her ‘boyfriend’. (Even if the guy didn’t know yet!) It was all very hilarious! We’re still in full contact, and they’re hopefully coming to visit us in October! We’ve vowed to get matching fanny packs for next year! 

To conclude, it was an amazing week. I know I’m not doing it justice, but Taize is so hard to explain to anyone who has never set foot there before. Yes, there is a religious aspect to it, of course. But everything is optional- meaning that everyone who was there, wanted to be there. This made the atmosphere so amazing. It was a very casual week, but it was definitely one of the best weeks of my life. 

Our Group :) 

Rain ponchos! 

Two of my Irish friends who I love dearly! 

At The Oyak :)